


This is Love (Consuming All of Me)

by bbdklvr



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Choreographer Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Dancer Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi Being an Asshole, Lee Seokmin | DK is Whipped, Lee Seokmin | DK-centric, M/M, Not Beta Read, Past Sexual Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, and he’s good at it, jeonghan is seokmins best friend, soonyoung is a brat, sorry lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27536896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbdklvr/pseuds/bbdklvr
Summary: Soonyoung is a spoiled brat who doesn't realize that his actions have consequences and Seokmin is a hopeless romantic with a hopeless crush.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 18
Kudos: 51





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i’m glad you decided to give my story a try! i hope you enjoy it and please realize that this is a work in progress and hopefully will capture your interest more as the story goes on! sorry if there’s errors, i was super tired while proofreading this!

Seokmin's eyes glossed over as he stared at the nameless boy only sitting tables away from him. He was absolutely gorgeous and threw Seokmin off track, making him momentarily forget that staring was considered rude and the slight burn that began to sting his eyes the longer he stared. He just couldn't pull his gaze away, it was simply impossible and Seokmin would take as much as he could get.

Although he was cut out of his trance once he felt a pencil tap his shoulder, causing him to glance at Jeonghan, who looked completely over it. He ignored him and allowed his eyes to cast back over to the mystery boy.

"You're being obvious. I'm sure he's creeped out by now," He said, rolling his eyes when Seokmin let out an audible hum and didn't tear his gaze away.

Seriously, how could somebody be that beautiful? He had raven black hair that looked so soft and silky, Seokmin wanted to run his fingers through it as he whispered sweet words into the other boy's ear.

Okay, maybe it was weird and obsessive, but this was the first time that Seokmin had even seen him, and probably the last so he'd make the most of it.

The nameless boy was also wearing a brown flannel that was matched with a white undershirt and light jeans. Seokmin watched as he pulled out his phone that had a black case on it with a tiger placed in the middle. He wanted to memorize every single detail about the boy who could be so much older or so much younger than him, who could already be taken (which wouldn't suprise Seokmin) and worst of all, he could be straight.

"Seokmin, we need to finish before Seungcheol comes to pick us up," Jeonghan said, waving his hands in front of the younger.

"Do you know who that is?"

Seokmin watched as slight hesitation struck Jeonghan in the face. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't really care, too infatuated with the boy in front of him. Regardless Jeonghan shook his head no and casted his gaze back down to the book they were reading from.

As Jeonghan continued to spew out jumbled words that Seokmin didn't understand, he kept his attention on the mystery beauty. The other boy didn't seem to notice, mostly oblivious to everything around him except for the earbuds jammed in his ears and the phone held up closely to his face.

After about five more minutes the nameless man stood up and pocketed his phone, eyes meeting Seokmin's. He felt his cheeks get hot with redness as he fumbled with something to do, he'd die if he was caught in the act. Well he probably was since the boy was walking over towards him.

Seokmin, nervous as always, abruptly stood up and headed towards the restrooms, successfully avoiding the nameless boy. He saw him talking to Jeonghan from the corners of his eyes before he saw a piece of white paper get thrown onto the desk. They didn't say anything more as the boy walked away and probably out of Seokmin's life forever.

As soon as he was sure it was just Jeonghan at their table, he pushed the bathroom door open fully and rushed to the table, eager to see what the white paper was. He could feel his best friend's disapproval burning through him, but he didn't care. Jeonghan was happily in love with his two, not one but two, boyfriends, whilst Seokmin couldn't even obtain one.

He slumped down in his chair and grabbed the paper with clumsy hands, rushing to unfold it. Jeonghan stared at him with boredom, beginning to close the books with multiple sighs.

Seokmin's eyes widened as he read the note, dark red blooming back onto his cheeks. Embarrassment sunk deep within him as he crumbled the piece of paper and threw it into the waste bin.

"What did it say?" Jeonghan asked, brows furrowed as if he couldn't fathom why Seokmin threw it away.

Seokmin covered his face with his hands as he mumbled, "You should get your staring problem checked."

His ears became flushed with red as he got more embarrassed. Jeonghan laughed loudly, attracting more attention to them in the quiet library.

———

The next week was uneventful, the nameless boy shoved to the back of his mind. Seokmin was drowning in his school work along with the upcoming due date for a project he was supposed to be working on, but hadn't finished. He knew that he needed to get it done, this was a big part of his final grade, but Seokmin didn't know any dance majors who'd be willing to help him.

For his songwriting class, the final was to perform an original song and whoever had the best performance was most likely to get scouted by agencies, it was an unsaid but a well known fact. They were to perform at the university's end of the annual showcase and most classes and majors included the final with the showcase. It was a big deal to students who went to their school. Seokmin had already written his song a long time ago and he also recorded it using the studio his campus provided, all he needed was to create a dance to go along with it.

He knew one person that was on a dance team and happened to be an amazing choreographer, but also happened to be his ex boyfriend, Jun. Their relationship didn't end badly and they're still friends, so he knew that Jun wouldn't have a problem helping him.

Seokmin just hoped that he wasn't busy because Jun was always occupied with dance, school or his boyfriend, Minghao. He'd ask him the next time they saw each other, which would be soon since they had planned to hang out.

He looked up at the sound of his door being pushed open and his roomate storming in, clearly upset. They had know each other since Seokmin's sophomore year of college and have been roommates and friends since. He didn't like seeing the younger boy upset at all, and he usually wasn't, always sporting a wide smile on his face or just generally happy.

"Chan?" Seokmin called, watching as the younger boy jumped on to his bed and silently scream into his pillow, throwing it to the ground with a soft huff.

The aforementioned let out a groan and fell back onto the mattress, which cushioned his fall. Seokmin slowly stood up from his place at his desk and walked over, lips tugging up into a smile when he saw how cute Chan's pout was. Although his smile immediately fell when he noticed Chan's eyes closed and he covered his hands with his face, unsuccessfully hiding his tears.

"I can't do it anymore. I'm gonna quit," He simply stated, breath becoming ragged as he clenched onto the bedsheet. Seokmin was used to Chan coming home and feeling extremely drained and over everything in general, but he'd never stated that he wanted to quit whatever it was he was on about. Chan rarely quit anything that he'd already started, he was always busy like a bee.

Seokmin sat down on the bed and gently pushed Chan's hair from where it was matted down on his forehead. He cringed internally at the thought of his hand becoming covered in the younger's sweat, but let it go in favor of comforting him.

"He's insufferable," He whined, opening his eyes and looking at Seokmin.

"May I ask who you're talking about?"

Chan sighed loudly, awfully to bothered to even explain his misery to Seokmin, rather expecting him to know right away.

"Fucking Kwon Soonyoung, the leader of my dance team," Chan deadpanned, staring up at the ceiling rather than looking Seokmin in the eyes.

Seokmin's huffed once he heard the name. Chan and Jun often complained to him about Soonyoung, who Seokmin had never even met once in his life let alone seen how he'd acted towards his partners. All Seokmin knew about the other was that he was loaded rich and apparently happened to be an asshole.

"Whatever he did or said, I'm sure he was wrong. You're an amazing dancer and if you even think of quitting I'll cut off your two legs myself," Seokmin simply stated, dodging it when Chan tried to kick him and smiling a bit.

"He called me a twat with two left feet because I couldn't get the move right and thankfully Jun taught it to me," Chan said. He continued talking but it went blank in Seokmin's mind, his thoughts getting caught up on Jun.

He was seriously so grateful for the other man, because without him Chan would be prey in a tiger's den. Even after their break up, things never became awkward between the two and it was thanks to Jun. He had insisted that they stay friends even though they had their history, but within a year both of them were over each other and were nothing more than good friends, long gone the words of sweet love and nights filled with even sweeter touches.

Seokmin figured that maybe he should give Jun a call and thank him for all he's done for Chan, like helping him learn dance moves when their leader was being an incompetent asshole. He supposed that he should thank Minghao too, since he was always there to back up Chan against Soonyoung's sharp tongue, at least that's what the younger boy had always told him.

He hadn't had the opportunity to really talk and get to know Minghao, but he wasn't the jealous type and didn't care when Jun and Seokmin went out for a quick drink or something, having trust in his significant other. Seokmin was glad that he could still be friends with Jun without causing any issues in his personal life and relationship.

"Seokmin are you listening?"

He wasn't listening, but he nodded anyways, not wanting Chan to think that he didn't care. He definitely cared about everything Chan wanted to share with him, but sometimes he couldn't help but get taken back to the past whenever Jun was brought up. Being in a relationship with Jun was like going outside for a fresh breath of air after being in a stuffy room. It was refreshing, rejuvenatiting and always new, but they just couldn't really get the romantic aspect down.

Now looking back at it, Seokmin thinks that their young minds must have confused admiration and platonic love for something romantic. They kissed and more, but they both agreed to have never felt the spark that most people talk about while in love.

"Seokmin," Chan whined, pushing the older off of his bed and sprawling out, successfully taking up all of the space. His tears had dried up and he just looked annoyed that Seokmin hadn't been listening.

"I'm sorry, I spaced out. What's up?" He gently asked, letting Chan know that this time he had his full attention.

"I want to quit the team. I'll still dance obviously but Soonyoung is such an unbearable asshole! All of the struggle to actually get on the team wasn't even worth it," He complained, his voice full of seriousness which wasn't really familiar for Seokmin.

"You can't quit now, not with the showcase coming up. You told me that it was hard enough for you to get into this school and I saw how difficult it was to make Soonyoung's squad. I mean, you beat seniors and juniors when you were only a freshman. That's not something you can overlook," Seokmin explained, sitting in his office chair and swiveling around to meet Chan's eyes again.

The university they went to had an extremely low acceptance rate and only took the best of the best. Being an arts school meant that scouting agencies were always looking for new talent and the fact couldn't be ignored, which is why the rates were low. Seokmin was shocked when he had gotten his acceptance letter. Fresh out of high school when he still wore his hear gelled up with tacky hair products and his voice had barely matured, he had got in by sending in a singing application. It was like a dream come true.

With that being said, he knew how hard it was to get accepted and how much stress went in to creating your own song or dance, whatever it was you'd be majoring in, but nonetheless Chan was accepted into the school. It was Seokmin's junior year and Chan's sophomore, so it was impressive that he had the last spot on the team instead of it being a junior or senior.

Everyone knew that Soonyoung's squad was the best one you could be on. His team was always a featured act in the showcase and that meant that more agents would see them, so it was a big deal.

"I know and it was hard work to get on the team, but is it worth it when Soonyoung is just an asshole to me all the time?" Chan questioned, falling back into the quiet and shy tone he had when he first met Seokmin.

"He's just hard on you because you're the youngest," Seokmin tried to reason, using his legs to pull his chair closer to Chan.

"I don't think that's it. He's rude to everyone, but when it's just the team in rehearsal he's bearable to Jun and Minghao. He picks on me for fun."

Hearing those words made Seokmin want to storm out of their room and find the faceless person that he'd only heard bad things about. Soonyoung sounded like an awful person and he was upset that Chan had to deal with him everyday.

"Have you tried talking to him about it?" He asked. Chan sighed and shook his head against the pillow, momentarily closing his eyes.

The room went silent then, Seokmin keeping quiet so that Chan could get his thoughts together. He was in no rush to leave or anything since his final was half way done and he really couldn't get anything else finished without Jun.

Suddenly Seokmin is slapped in the face with stupidity. How could he not realize? He had the perfect choreographer right in front of him!

"Chan! I can't believe I hadn't thought of this before! I need your help," Seokmin excitedly said, hopefully lifting Chan's gloomy mood. He hoped that after they worked on the perfect choreography Chan would realize should how amazing he was at his craft.

"With?"

"My final project! You know, for the showcase?" He clarified, jutting his lip out in a pout when he already saw the crease between Chan's eyebrows, indicating that he was going to say no.

"Please?"

"I'll be preparing for my showcase performance, I'm sorry Seokmin. I'd love to help you but everything is really busy right now," Chan clarified, trying to be nice about letting Seokmin down.

"And Jun?"

Chan let out a little huff, shaking his head and laughing to himself a bit. The laugh, however, was void of humor.

"He's too busy with Minghao. I think your best bet would be asking Soonyoung who'd probably make you cry," He said, a real laugh escaping past his lips.

Seokmin rolled his eyes and stood up from the office chair, pushing it towards Chan's bed with enough force to tip it onto him. The younger boy's glorious laugh filled the room, ignoring Seokmin as he went on an endless rant on why he wouldn't cry after getting criticism from Soonyoung.

"But you cried when Jeonghan said your singing sounded like a dying animal."

"I was drunk."

"It was karaoke!" Chan laughed out, sitting up from his bed and throwing his pillow at Seokmin, "Just admit you're tender hearted and call it a day."

Seokmin grumbled some more before pulling the chair over to his desk and sitting in it, shaking his head. He was glad that he could help Chan feel a lot better, but still stressed about his project.

He knew he didn't have to make choreography for his performance to be good, but he wanted to catch the eyes of the scouting agents with sharp movements and intense gazes. Seokmin was a good dancer, he knew that, but he wanted to major in singing because his voice was a lot better than his body. However he still wanted to showcase that he was more than able to do both. The problem was that he couldn't choreograph for shit.

The room got quiet again, Chan scrolling hopelessly through his phone and Seokmin running over the lines in his song, trying to envision something—anything. The song was a little sensual and passionate, it would be easy for him to sing live since it required so much passion and that's what Seokmin was good at, singing from his heart.

The lyrics flowed by smoothly and the beat was soft, intimate. He liked it because he could make direct eye contact with somebody and make them melt in their seat with how much fire and intensity escaped his dark orbs. He was confident in his performance, but he really wanted it to be spectacular.

He decided to send a text to Jun and see if he'd be available to helping him out and if not then he supposed he'd have to go to Soonyoung.

———


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! new chapter!! i’m having so much fun writing this story!

"That is possibly the worst idea I have ever had the displeasure of hearing," Jun said, shaking his head as Minghao and Chan both nodded along to what he said.

Seokmin's frown only grew deeper at the words. The four of them had met up because he wanted to ask Jun if it really would be a good idea to ask for Soonyoung's help, but he honestly wasn't expecting him to say no.

"I'm really sorry Seokmin. I'd love to help you, but I just don't have time between now and the showcase, you know how it is," Jun continued on, taking a sip of his coffee for good measure.

He was right, Seokmin did know how it was and he wished that he had the common sense to ask one of the dancers before the showcase got as close as it was now. Maybe it was wrong of him to rely on Jun for so much, they weren't dating anymore which meant that they don't spend as much time together as they used to. Jun had other priorities like Minghao.

"No, I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that you're busy too and I should have thought more about your schedule," Seokmin apologized, shoulders falling in disappointment and frustration.

"There's no need for you to apologize, Seokmin," Minghao said. He looked up at the unfamiliar voice, it was probably one of the only times that the other man had spoken to him. They didn't have any bad blood for each other and they didn't fight over Jun, they just weren't close to each other.

Seokmin's chest bloomed with warmth and admiration for Minghao. He liked how mature he was and it made him happy that Jun had found someone of the sort.

Finally pulled away from his thoughts, Seokmin smiled at him before Chan spoke, "I shouldn't have even put asking Soonyoung in his mind cause now he's not gonna give up on the idea until he gets rejected," He explained.

Seokmin's cheeks got red from embarrassment as Jun laughed, nodding his head in agreement.

"Well, maybe you should ask him then. I'm sure he won't be too hard on you since he doesn't know you personally," Minghao reasoned, taking a sip of his drink and leaning his head on Jun's shoulder.

"We all know that's a lie, don't give him false hope," Jun scolded, shrugging Minghao off of his shoulder. Seokmin quietly laughed at the two. He was ecstatic to see Jun so happy with Minghao and he hoped that he'd find someone like that one day.

As they began to bicker back and forth Chan rolled his eyes and turned towards Seokmin, "Will you ask him?"

The determined side of Seokmin wanted to ask him, wanted to stand his ground against Soonyoung who was supposedly so scary, but his sensitive side wanted to protect him from all harm, even if it came in the form of an overworked and mannerless college student. He'd never even met Soonyoung before and he was sure that the man couldn't be that terrifying.

"Yeah, I think I will," Seokmin finally said. The table had gotten quiet and all eyes were on him. As soon as he looked into Jun's eyes, he already knew what the older boy was thinking. He gave him a knowing look which prompted Jun to sigh.

"I'm just worried. You have a tendency to let people walk all over you," He confessed, genuinely looking concerned. It touched Seokmin's heart, but he believed that he could handle the situation if it took a turn south.

"I'll be fine Jun. I'm sure he isn't as bad as you make him out to be," Seokmin said.

Chan let out a sigh and nodded, standing up from the table. The dancers had practice in twenty minutes so they decided that it'd be best for Seokmin to just come with them.

So, they started walking over to where their rehearsal studio was, it was close by since it was on campus although Seokmin didn't mind the walk. The air was dewy, nearing the end of the winter season and blooming into spring. Seokmin had always been interested in nature ever since he was young. It amazed him how the dead browns of winter quickly blossomed into bright hues of pink, green and yellow.

Maybe if he hadn't chosen to go into the music world he would've studied nature and botany, that's something Seokmin often thought about. But he was content with life and he liked writing and producing music, singing was his favorite part. He really wouldn't trade his craft for anything else in the world. Plus, if he didn't chose to apply for the arts university, he would've never met all of his friends like Jeonghan, Chan, and Jun.

As they arrived closer to the studio, Seokmin took a deep breath and braced himself. He honestly was nervous because he did usually have a hard time standing his ground, but he needed this for his final project. He wanted to be spectacular at the showcase and if the only way to do that was to work with a stranger who had a horrible attitude, then so be it.

Minghao rushed in front of them and held the door open for the three, smiling at the gentle kiss Jun placed on his lips as he passed by in a silent thanks. Seokmin walked through the door, looking around the room in wonder.

It was his first time coming to the studio where they learned all of their breathtaking routines. He hadn't realized that the other three had branched off towards the locker room, leaving him alone. Seokmin was sure that they probably had figured he'd follow them, but oblivious as always, he continued moving forward towards the main practicing room.

The door was glass and looking into it, Seokmin couldn't see anybody. Just as he was about to push it open, a deep voice settled in the room, successfully shocking him and making him jump back from the door.

"Well well well," The unfamiliar person said and as soon as Seokmin turned around he wished he hadn't.

There, stood in front of him, who he assumed to be Kwon Soonyoung, was the boy he had been staring at in the library. He looked awfully smug with the sleazy grin that took place on his face. Seokmin just stared at him with wide eyes.

"If it isn't the stalker himself," He said, rolling his eyes once Seokmin's cheeks grew red and he began to stammer, "Did you follow me here, creep? I deal with too many people like you," He continued on, ignoring the way Seokmin was rendered speechless.

Did he come off as a creep? He didn't mean to, but he had thought that Soonyoung was one of the most beautiful men he had ever had the pleasure of laying his eyes on. Now his image was becoming tainted with over confident words and rude remarks. Everything Chan had said about Soonyoung came afloat in his mind, already creating a prejudice against the man.

"Actually I had something I wanted to ask you, but forget it," Seokmin said, but before he could get another word out Soonyoung opened his stupid mouth again.

"No, I don't want to be your boyfriend and I'm not interested in you," He said, disgust lacing his voice. It hurt, Seokmin would admit, but he wasn't going to be the naive nice boy he was in the past.

"I wasn't going to ask you to go out with me,"Seokmin mumbled, all ounces of confidence leaving his body. Maybe Jun was right about him allowing others to walk all over him. He didn't want to admit to himself that he was a bit of a pushover, but Seokmin geniunely didn't like hurting people's feelings, even if they were rude to him initially.

Soonyoung scoffed and rolled his eyes, on the verge of saying something else. Seokmin didn't want to work with him on anything if he was going to be an asshole. He didn't understand why Soonyoung was already being mean to him when he just wanted a simple favor.

"Everybody who looks like you has asked me out at least once. Just tell me what you want and get out of my studio," Soonyoung declared, smirking when he saw Seokmin shrink in to himself a little. "And if you're confused on what kind of boys ask me out, it's usually little twinks like yourself."

Seokmin swallowed thickly, awkwardly looking around, hoping that one of his friends would come out and help him. What was taking them so long anyway? His thoughts began to pull him down, drowning him with selfish and crude comments about his sexuality, memories flowing back. He always tried his hardest to look manly, as he looked down at his outfit he didn't think he was dressed like a girl.

Soonyoung was talking but no sound was coming out. Seokmin pushed past him, not listening to Chan's calls for him to come back. He shoved the door and ran out, ignoring the concerned looks he was receiving from other students on the campus.

He didn't want to admit it, but there were tears falling from his face. He ran until he got somewhere familiar, Jeonghan's arms.

"Seokmin?" He said, obviously extremely confused and worried. His tone was dripping with sweetness, as always. How did he even get to Jeonghan so quickly? Why were Seungcheol and Joshua with him?

"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked, one of his hands tangled in Seokmin's hair and the other one was soothingly rubbing up and down his back.

"I want to go home," Seokmin quietly said, not answering his questions. Jeonghan sighed and nodded, pulling the younger boy out his arms and wrapping his arm around his waist.

"He came running from the studio, can one of you please go see what happened?" Jeonghan asked to which Seungcheol nodded, leaving a kiss on Joshua's cheek and jogging away.

Joshua wrapped his arm around the other side of Seokmin and they walked with him to the closest dorm, which happened to be his own. Seokmin hated crying to Jeonghan for so much, but no one else knew about his insecurities more than his best friend did.

As they waited in the elevator Jeonghan whispered sweet words to Seokmin, reassuring him that he was okay and that he would be okay. Joshua also made him feel better by making a joke about Seungcheol physically hurting whoever it was that made Seokmin sad.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan had been dating since high school and luckily got into the same university after. Joshua didn't meet them until their freshman year when Seokmin met Jeonghan. At first the aspect of having a polyamorous relationship was baffling to Seokmin, but after seeing how much the three loved each other he understood.

Since they've basically known each other for around three years, they do know quite a bit about Seokmin. They definitely knew about all of the homophobic comments Seokmin used to get throughout middle and high school which ultimately made him sensitive to the topic.

He never dressed feminine, but he always made sure that he looked masculine enough throughout college to make sure nothing like that ever happened to him again. Unknowingly at first to both of them, Soonyoung had opened up pandora's box. Finally breaking through the lock that was holding all of the memories to the back of his mind.

He hadn't realized but Jeonghan was rummaging through his pockets to find his keycard, opening the door once the action was successful.

"What happened?" Jeonghan softly asked once they were seated on Seokmin's bed, the younger boy's head was resting on his lap. Seokmin stared up at the ceiling, getting comfortable on Jeonghan's strong thighs. Joshua disappeared towards the kitchen to get Seokmin a cup of water.

"It's stupid," Seokmin muttered, tears finally dried up and matted on his face. Jeonghan, as patient as always, brought his hand up to Seokmin's face and stroked his thumb against his cheek. He quietly thanked Joshua for the water and helped Seokmin sit up, slowly bringing the water up to his lips.

"It's not stupid if you're this upset," Joshua said, taking the glass and setting it on the bedside table. Seokmin sighed and laid his head back onto Jeonghan's thighs. His feet were pulled up into Joshua's lap who began to work the tired knots out of them with his hands. When Seokmin looked up at him with a questioning gaze he just smiled and continued his ministrations.

"He's right, what happened?"

Seokmin sighed, "You know the guy we met at the library, the one I was staring at?"

Jeonghan nodded.

"His name is Soonyoung, he's Kwon Soonyoung, the one Chan always complains about. He called me a twink and I know it's not a big deal but it brought it up really bad memories," Seokmin quietly said, suddenly embarrassed. He was a grown man and he shouldn't be crying over someone calling him a stupid name that meant nothing.

Jeonghan sighed and clenched the material of Seokmin's shirt, obviously unintentional. Seokmin could tell that he was upset, angry even. He didn't understand why though, he felt pathetic.

“I’m gonna fuck him up,” Jeonghan said, breaking the degrading thoughts that were running through Seokmin’s mind.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua said, a warning tone dressing his voice. Jeonghan sighed and brought his hand up to Seokmin’s forehead, pushing his bangs back.

“Listen to me Seokmin. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, bi, or whatever the fuck you want to be. As long as you’re happy and comfortable that’s all that matters. Kwon Soonyoung is a stupid asshole who thinks that everything is about him. If you’re a twink, who gives a fuck? As long as you’re content with who you want to be, then it doesn’t mean anything if homophobic shitheads like him have something to say, okay baby?” Jeonghan said, returning to the action of comfortably pushing back Seokmin’s hair and running his hands through it.

Seokmin nodded against his thighs, letting a sigh of relaxation fall from his mouth as Jeonghan scratched his scalp with his nails.

They all looked up as the door was being banged on, Joshua stood up and opened it. Seungcheol walked in, his right hand was bloodied at the knuckles as if he has punched somebody. Jeonghan looked up, eyeing his boyfriend worriedly. Joshua quickly ran to the kitchen for the second time that day, grabbing ice from the freezer and coming back to help Seungcheol ice it.

“What the hell happened?” Jeonghan asked.

“I punched Soonyoung. I wasn’t thinking but all I heard him say was that Seokmin was being a baby and something about him-“

“Cheol,” Joshua cut him off, signaling him not to continue whatever it was he was going to say. Of course Seokmin was curious, but he didn’t want to hurt himself even more, didn’t want his friends to pity him even more than they did.

“This is the reason why I love you,” Jeonghan said, giving Seungcheol a kiss on the lips when he came close enough.

“Thank you guys,” Seokmin meekly said, sitting up from Jeonghan’s lap and running his own hands through his hair. He wished that he hadn’t even gone to Soonyoung for help, he should’ve listen to Jun and Chan who knew what he could handle and what he couldn’t, but even they didn’t know about all of the homophobic comments he used to face during his youth.

“If you need me to punch him or anyone else, just let me know. You’re not just Jeonghan’s best friend, you’re ours too,” Seungcheol said, pulling him in for an unexpected hug.

Seokmin laughed and nodded against his chest, smiling to himself when both Jeonghan and Joshua joined into their hug, making it a group hug. He loved the fact that Jeonghan had not one, but two very thoughtful and caring men to love him.

The scanner outside of the door sounded with a beep, followed by the door being pushed open. It was Chan, looking extremely sorry and apologetic. Seokmin felt his heart break, he didn’t want Chan to blame himself but he already knew that he would. The crack in his heart became significantly deeper when he saw the tear stains on Chan’s face, eyeliner that Seokmin had earlier colored in his waterline had created black streaks on his face.

He ran past the three and pulled Seokmin into a hug of his own, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know Soonyoung would say something as insensitive as that. If I had prevented you from coming then this would have never happened,” Chan ranted, words flowing out of his mouth like an uncontrolled waterfall.

“It’s not your fault, Chan. I should have listened to you and Jun when I had the chance,” Seokmin said, wiping away the black from underneath his eyes.

“Don’t cry your beautiful makeup away, I promise I’m okay,” He continued on, softly smiling at Chan.

Chan let out a croaky laugh and nodded, bringing his own hands up to his face and helping Seokmin get rid of the damage. There was no way that Seokmin was not going to just let Soonyoung get away with this, and while he was happy that Seungcheol punched him, he was still upset that the dance leader had been able to create this much commotion all because he had a bad past.

“Don’t you have practice?” Jeonghan asked, stepping in with a tissue, that had a bit of water on it, and helping get the now smudged eyeliner off.

Chan nodded slowly, picking up the dance back that he had discarded upon entering and heading towards the door.

“I’ll walk you to the studio,” Joshua volunteered, grabbing a water bottle in the process and handing it to Chan. As soon as they were out of the door, Jeonghan pulled his boyfriend along with Seokmin down onto the couch.

“Let’s watch a movie to our minds off of everything,” He suggested.

So Seokmin lit a candle and grabbed a weighted blanket. Especially in the humidity of spring time, Chan liked to keep their dorm room cold. All three of them got comfortable under the blanket and spent the rest of their afternoon watching movies, only getting up to get dinner and make room for Joshua when he finally got back.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i added homophobia to the tags after this chapter, is there anything else you guys think is appropriate to add? i hope you enjoyed and always remember that kudos and comments are welcomed and appreciated!


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! i hope you guys enjoy this! we have some seokhan bonding moments and we learn a bit more about Soonyoung!

Another week passed by smoothly, not much different from the last. Any other words that Soonyoung had to say about Seokmin were quickly drowned out by Joshua's protectiveness. Seokmin was willing to put it in the past if Soonyoung were to apologize, but he knew that was far from reality. Did he really want to work with Soonyoung anyways, though?

Of course not and he was sure that the feeling was mutual. The dancer hated him for an undisclosed reason and of course that was fine, but Seokmin needed a dance for the showcase.

Jeonghan told him that standing and singing would he just fine, even playing his guitar would be cute and simple and he should save the dance for next year's showcase, when he's had more time to prepare. Chan and Jum, who after yesterday were both extremely worried for his wellbeing, had told him that there were other dance majors that could help, and he almost settled for somebody else. Until one unexpected afternoon when there was a heavy knock on his door.

Chan had been out for most of the day and had said something about having back to back lectures he had to attend. Seokmin was only dressed in his boxers, lounging comfortably in the privacy of their dorm, which also happened to be a million degrees. Their AC had broken and he never did well with heat and humidity.

Anyway, he stood from the couch and peered towards the door in hesitance. He figured that only his friends would come by like this, unannounced and uninvited, so he didn't mind them seeing him in his almost naked attire.

Without much more thought, he hummed as he grew closer to the door and swung it open. He nearly had a heart attack at who was standing behind the now open door. Honestly Seokmin would have never guessed that he'd ever wake up and be greeting Kwon Soonyoung.

He looked annoyed and Jun stood there next to him, looking a little to excited for it to be real. He wore a tight lipped smile and struggled with holding Soonyoung, who rolled his eyes and pulled his arm out of Jun's grasp. He pushed passed Seokmin and made himself welcome, clearly not liking what he saw as he let out scoffs of distaste and glanced back at Seokmin with a judgmental stare.

Seokmin's dislike for him grew more and usually he enjoyed meeting and welcoming new friends into his home, but Soonyoung had tormented Chan as well as made Seokmin recall memories he never wanted to relive. He most definitely was not welcome and Jun should've known that.

He ignored Soonyoung and casted his gaze back onto Jun, who looked relatively determined.

"What is he doing here?" Seokmin asked, closing the door once the older boy settled himself inside.

"Where are you clothes?" Soonyoung rudely interjected and it really made Seokmin wonder if the dancer was even taught proper mannerism.

Pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind, Seokmin blushed as he realized that he had never bothered to put on decent clothing. He wasn't insecure about his body or anything, actually he was far from it. He worked hard for his body and he knew that he was toned all around, he had a nice set of abs and muscular thighs that his friends loved to glorify. He just didn't think Soonyoung deserved to see him like that.

"Soonyoung," Jun's warned, his harsh voice cutting through Seokmin's thoughts.

The aforementioned rolled his eyes and shook his head, taking a deep breath. Once he opened them again he looked Seokmin dead in the eyes. He would’ve have been so much more attractive without the split lip, it seemed as if Seungcheol had mercy on him. Besides the fact, he had almond shaped, brown eyes that Seokmin through were beautiful. Soonyoung was beautiful, just because he had a bad personality didn't make him less attractive. He still had the sharp jawline, the round and soft nose, slight chubby cheeks and he had plump red lips. His hair fell in gentle waves and framed his face perfectly. Seokmin wished that he wasn't an asshole, because then he'd actually ask him out on a date.

Soonyoung mumbled something, cheeks turning a dark shade of red. Jun shoved him and gave him a death stare, making Seokmin remember that he currently had the last person he'd let into his dorm, standing in his living room whilst he was getting threatened by Jun. Oh yeah, Seokmin also happened to be half naked too.

"I'm sorry for calling you a twink and I'll-" Soonyoung cut himself off, looking at Jun with an annoyed glare. He pursed his lips before looking back at Seokmin, who realized that this was a very forced and uncomfortable apology that he assumed Jun had strung together.

"I'll be willing to help you with your little dance or whatever," He said, disgust twisted into the lines of his words. Seokmin rolled his eyes, this was so stupid. He didn't want a staged apology from Soonyoung and he definitely didn't really want his help anymore.

"Are you done?"

Jun looked mildly shocked at the way Seokmin's voice came out so monotonous. It was extremely different from his usual cheery and warm tone. Once again, Seokmin didn't like having to be rude, but Soonyoung had such a twisted minset that he must not be able to comprehend kindness, even if it slapped him in the face.

"Thank you for trying, Jun, but this is honestly a waste of time. I'm not going to force him to teach me a dance," Seokmin said, smiling a bit at Jun. The oldest boy sighed and nodded, looking towards Soonyoung as if he was asking him to leave.

Soonyoung let out a breath of release and he pushed past Seokmin again. He wasn't usually angry, but fucking Kwon Soonyoung pushed his buttons.

"You know, it's not that hard to just say excuse me or just walk around me. Obviously you aren't aware of manners," Seokmin said, rolling his eyes as Soonyoung stopped when he got under the doorframe. He turned around with a glare that must have weighed over a million pounds, at least that's what it felt like for Seokmin.

"You know nothing about me," Soonyoung simply said, pushing Jun off of him when the boy tried to grasp him. He stormed out of the dorm, clearly irritated.

"What's his deal?" Seokmin asked, closing the door behind Soonyoung. He wanted to ask Jun why he thought it'd be a good idea to let him come round, but he knew that Jun only had good intentions, and they were to help Seokmin.

"He's been through a lot of shit and is always on alert, that's all. I'm sure if you guys just get to know each other you'll be great friends," Jun mumbled. Seokmin scoffed, he didn't want to be get to know Soonyoung and he didn't want to be friends, not if he was an angry, psychopath half of the time.

"How are you two even friends? He is a self indulged, egotistic person and you're, well you're you," Seokmin inquired. He walked through the dorm to find his discarded t-shirt and threw it on, suddenly feeling a little exposed, vulnerable.

Jun shrugged and turned towards the closed door, "I should go after him."

Seokmin understood, he would've done the same for one of his friends. So he nodded and showed Jun out, watching as it looked like the older boy tried to refrain himself from breaking into a quick jog.

Jun was acting weird and Seokmin had to get to the bottom of it.

———

The next day Seokmin and Jeonghan had made plans to hang out at one of their places, it was usually Seokmin's dorm since Jeonghan's boyfriends were always home, but today it was different. Jeonghan, Joshua and Seungcheol were fighting. It didn't happen often, but whenever it did it was a ton of built up annoyance that suddenly busted out. Usually Jeonghan provoked it, Seungcheol added more fuel and Joshua tried to break it up. They usually never fought about serious things, it's never been as serious as this.

But this time Joshua and Jeonghan were fighting with each other and Seungcheol was stuck in the middle. So being the good friend that he was, Seokmin rushed to be by Jeonghan's side, who was currently filled with rage and couldn't stop pacing in front of the couch.

The three were fighting because Joshua wanted to go back home and Seungcheol was going to go with him to meet his family. Jeonghan was originally able to go, but his program ran into the summer time, which was his choice but he didn't know that they were going to take a trip to the States. Had he known he wouldn't have scheduled the summer classes to begin with.

As a result, Jeonghan was upset that the two were seriously considering going without him. Seokmin would be mad too, but at the same time he understood that Joshua may be clouded just by the thought of seeing his parents, so whoever was coming with him didn't really matter.

"Jeonghan," Seokmin called, pulling on his arm and making his best friend face him.

Before he had the chance to say something, Jeonghan pulled his arm away and ran his hands through his hair, "No, whatever you have to say I don't want to hear it. Fuck them, seriously. They can go and I'll be fine," He said, finality present in his tone. He sat down on the couch next to Seokmin and crossed his arms over his chest.

“That’s not the right way to go about this and you know it. They both love you, Jeonghan. Joshua hasn’t seen his family in over a year, he’s excited and I’m sure the prospect of at least having his parents meet one of his boyfriends is both nerve racking and exciting,” Seokmin stated, slowly leaning back on the couch and throwing his arm around Jeonghan’s shoulders, successfully pulling the boy down with him.

“Where are they right now?”

Jeonghan took a deep breath and closed his eyes, obviously exhausted with the situation at hand, “They went out to dinner together, because they love each other so much.” There was no mirth to his voice, just straight venom. Seokmin doesn’t think he’s ever Jeonghan this mad at them.

“I thought you said Seungcheol didn’t choose sides,” Seokmin recalled.

“Well he has now.”

He pursed his lips and dug into his pockets for his phone, momentarily confusing Jeonghan. Seokmin pulled out his phone and opened one of the drawers under the coffee table, grabbing a takeout menu and placing it on Jeonghan’s lap.

“Whatever you want, I’ll get you dinner and we can have our own party. Just forget about them for now and when they get home we can deal with it,” Seokmin said, ignoring Jeonghan’s refusal.

“If you don’t choose what you want then I’ll just get my favorites and you’ll have to deal with it,” Seokmin shrugged, mirth lacing his voice. He dialed the takeout number and held the phone between his ear and shoulder, glancing at the menu and deciding what he wanted.

Jeonghan mumbled what he wanted and clung on to Seokmin, quietly thanking him with cute kisses to his shoulder. While waiting for their food they aimlessly watched whatever was playing on the tv, drowned out from the outside world and lost in their own minds. Jeonghan was cuddled up to Seokmin and they shared a blanket, tucked away warmly even during the late chill of spring nights.

When the food arrived, Seokmin got up and brought it all inside, unpacking it before handing Jeonghan a pair of chopsticks. They ate quietly at first, before Jeonghan asked a question that honestly almost knocked Seokmin out of his chair.

“So, what’s going on with Soonyoung?” He asked, something underlying his tone but Seokmin wasn’t sure what it was. It seemed as if Jeonghan had already created an image of Soonyoung and his character in his head.

“Nothing. Jun brought him round my dorm yesterday to try to force him to apologize to me. I wasn’t interested,” Seokmin said, purposely avoiding Jeonghan’s watchful gaze and picking at his noodles instead.

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it,” Jeonghan said, prying for more information.

Seokmin dropped his chopsticks with a sigh and looked up at his best friend, “What? I said he was cute once. I didn’t even know the guy.”

“And now you do. I’ve been your best friend for a long while now, I know what kind of guys you go for. He’s attractive and now you have a name,” Jeonghan said.

“He’s a bad person.”

Jeonghan laughed, taking a bite of his food before nodding, “I know. I’m just making sure you’re being careful.”

Silence surrounded them once again, Seokmin getting lost in his thoughts. Was Jeonghan actually right about him falling for the same guys everytime? As he remembered ever person he’s dated, he could agree with that statement.

Every boy up to Jun had treated him badly, had no decency and or were in the closet. It was horrible and when he met Jun he was so swept away by a potential love interest finally being respectful to him. Their relationship, however, ended quickly and Seokmin had been single ever since.

Sure Soonyoung was attractive, remarkably so, but he was no different from anyone else that Seokmin had formed an interest for in the past, other than Jun of course. He really wished that Soonyoung was beautiful as he was on the outside, on the inside. He seemingly had no real personality, from what Seokmin had gathered, and he didn’t care for anyone except for himself. He definitely doesn’t realize that people have feelings and actions have consequences, and he certainly was not aware of the fact that the earth did not revolve around Kwon Soonyoung.

He was very obviously loaded in the money aspect, if Seokmin were to go off of what he was wearing. All designer brands along with the blatant distaste at average things. Seokmin wanted to hate Soonyoung as much as he convinced himself to, but there had to be something more and frankly, Seokmin wanted to get to take him apart piece by piece and get to know the Soonyoung that was kept under the snobbish front.

He couldn’t will himself to believe that Soonyoung was a soulless and shallow excuse of a human, especially when he had such a passion for dance. Even without knowing him, Seokmin could tell that he was invested in perfecting his craft, maybe that was why he was so hard on Chan.

Seokmin was dragged out of his thoughts when the lock on the door twisted and it creaked open.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what are your thoughts on Soonyoung? let me know in the comments!! thank you for reading!


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! welcome back! in this chapter there is recreational drug use, just so you’re aware!

Seokmin found himself aimlessly wandering through the night, sky dark and stars shining. He was slightly tipsy from whatever he bought from the gas station, he couldn't even remember since he downed the can pretty quickly and then discarded it. His balance was off, but not drastically. He was still in his mind and very much aware of his surroundings.

After Seungcheol and Joshua got back from their dinner, they had already been apologizing to Jeonghan, pulling him into tight hugs and muttering sweet words into his ears. Even though Seokmin knew that they didn't mean to purposely show off their perfect relationship, it still made him a little upset that he didn't have anyone like that. He was happy for Jeonghan of course, but he soon began to realize that what he was feeling, the utter sadness that creepily crawled back into his brain, was loneliness.

Seokmin wasn't ready to go home yet. He knew that as soon as he stepped into the dorm he'd be alone. Chan was spending a lot of time with Jihoon, who was someone he met on campus. They had been talking for awhile, but it seemed like Chan was getting closer to him and promptly informed Seokmin that he'd be spending the night with Jihoon.

He wanted to buy something else, something stronger to make him forget just how alone he was. All of his friends were in relationships and were so happy with their significant others, all of them except for him. On top of that, Seokmin didn't have anybody that he was really interested in.

He knew that if he went back to the dorm, that was too big and deserted for one person, he'd drown deeper in his thoughts. He missed his family, both of his parents who were always so supportive of everything he did, even when he came out. He loved them and held them so close to his heart, it was hard to be away from them for so long. Seokmin had a younger sister and he loved her too, missed her so much.

Soon he'd go back home and see them. Then he'd be able to forgot about how miserable and alone he is here. Jeonghan could only do so much to make him feel included, but having two boyfriends who sometimes wanted alone time made him get cast to the side. He wasn't mad, never could be mad at his best friend's happiness, he was just lonely.

He often thought that no one was due to last in his life forever, people come and go but no one ever stays. Whether they leave because of their dislike towards him or their lifeline is cut, they always leave and he will too, someday. Everyone does.

After walking for so long, so deep into his thoughts, Seokmin ended up at a bar he was quite familiar with. He was sure that his legs brought him here on auto pilot. He usually came to this bar when he was feeling down, it was close to campus and didn't have too many party folk that were looking for trouble. Seokmin valued serenity and the simplicity of life, which is why he liked the plain brown walls and chestnut counters that decorated the bar. Liked the house plants and the overhead lamps that were tainted a golden white, giving the bar a warm feel to it.

Sometimes he met people there, nice business people who were far off finished with college and just looking for a good time. Sometimes he went home with them for a night filled with breathless pleasure, sometimes he didn't. Today he wouldn't, opting for getting drunk and successfully losing recollection of the last week. Hopefully he'd forget about the showcase, his sadness and of course, Kwon Soonyoung.

Seokmin waved at the security guard standing in front of the door, recognizing him. The well built man smiled and let Seokmin in without much hassle. He stumbled his way over to the bar, it was fairly empty save for another man who was dressed in a tie-dye hoodie and had a beanie covering his hair.

He looked around the same age as Seokmin and had the college stressed out student look to him too. He had a small glass in front of him, it was halfway finished but the owner didn't look interested in finishing the rest.

Seokmin sat down on one of the bar stools, muttering for the bar tender, who was also quite familiar, to get him his regular. When the alcoholic drink was placed in front of him, he grabbed it with quick hands and downed it, basking in the burn that slid down his throat. He ordered another one and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, ignoring any judgmental looks he got from anyone else who was close enough to see.

The man next to him quietly chuckled and slid his drink to Seokmin, drawing him back to reality. He looked at the owner with a questioning gaze, taking his drink and tipping it back when he got a nod of confirmation. Seokmin felt the stress leave his body in the form of a burp, making the man next to him chuckle again, golden and rich.

The next drink Seokmin ordered came out quickly and as he was about to clear the glass, a hand stopped him.

"Slow down, you'll be sick. Rough night?" He asked, his voice was deep and he had a bit of an accent, but otherwise spoke fluent Korean. He didn't look Korean though, or maybe it was just because Seokmin was so out of it.

"Something like that," Seokmin responded, looking down at the counter. It was clean, so clean that his own reflection was staring back at him. He looked into his own eyes, sad and lonely, he'd always be there for himself, he decided right then and there. If everything goes to hell and everyone up and left, Seokmin would stay the same and would love himself until the end of time. It wasn't like having somebody else do it, but it was something. At least he always had himself.

"Lee Seokmin. My boyfriend talks about you all the time," The man spoke up, looking at Seokmin's side profile. He felt the gaze burning his skin, but be didn't want to meet someone else's eyes, someone who he probably wouldn't see after tonight.

After not receiving a response, the man spoke again, "His name is Seungkwan, he's a sophomore. He looks up to you a lot and wanted to work on the showcase with you, but you did it alone instead, right?"

Seokmin nodded. He didn't want to let Seungkwan down if they didn't do well in the showcase, he also didn't want Seungkwan to leave him and if he didn't get to know people, then he wouldn't get attached.

"I'm Vernon."

Seokmin didn't know what to say, to caught up in his own depressing and sad thoughts. It was selfish, but he didn't care. Everyone was selfish, but he liked to see the good in people when he was in the right mindset to. That's why he had hope for Soonyoung, although it might turn out fruitless because of how stubborn the dancer seemed to be.

"You need to relax. I'm sure you're worried about the same things that every one of us are worried about. The showcase, family, maybe even friends and potential lovers," Vernon said, successfully hitting each of the little clouds of sadness that sat inside of Seokmin's mind.

"All of my friends are in relationships, my family are miles away and frankly my performance will probably be horrible," Seokmin finally said, running his hands through his hair and finally taking the glass that was taunting him, and slipping the rim between his two lips. He took it all down in one gulp, ignoring Vernon's sympathetic gaze.

"You feel lonely and lost?"

Seokmin nodded.

"What if I told you that there was so much more, beyond all of this stuff that won't matter in a year? What if I told you, that beyond the sky and among the universe, there was so much more?" Vernon said, getting closer to Seokmin and pulling the glass away from him, "There's so much more and we're not even aware of it, but I can show you! I can open you up to a whole new world!" He whispered, excitement lacing his voice.

Seokmin wanted to escape reality, he wanted to see what the hell Vernon was talking about. He seemed like he knew more than the average person and he most definitely knew how to persuade people with languid words and false realities.

His mind was already intoxicated and he wasn't thinking straight, but Seokmin dumbly nodded, eyes wide with hope and sparkling with desire. Vernon smiled and pulled Seokmin up by the arm, he threw a wad of money on the countertop before pulling them both out of the bar.

The sky had grown darker, an endless black that loomed above them. Vernon didn't seem to have a car parked anywhere, actually he didn't seem to have much. His clothes were wore down to the bone, rips and distressed fabric that looked like they weren't supposed to be there, but Seokmin wasn't one to judge, especially before he even knew the person.

He let himself be pulled around like a rag doll and eventually they made it to an apartment complex, it was close to the university but different from the one that Jeonghan lived in. Actually, contrary to what Vernon was wearing, the apartment building was luxurious and basically screamed money in his face. Did Vernon have this much money, or was it Seungkwan's? He didn't really care and supposed that it was none of his business, but he was always allowed to be curious.

Before they wandered in to the building, he looked up at the sky above him, stopping his steps which ultimately made Vernon turn around as well. His mind wondered to what more could be beyond the stars, hidden deep within their universe. Would Vernon make it a reality for him?

Did he even realize how crazy this was, to follow a stranger to his apartment and do who knows what with him? What if he was lying? What if he was going to hurt Seokmin, but as he looked back at him, Vernon gave him a comforting smile. It made him feel warm inside, like he was being wrapped up in a big fluffy blanket, and he felt reassured as he followed the younger boy deeper into the promised reality.

They stumbled into the elevator and Seokmin laughed as he saw his reflection, mind completely lost. He hadn't had the chance to really look at Vernon at the bar, face cast with colors and shadows, the outside city gave him a purple and blue, sometimes red glow to his face, but he looked the most beautiful in a well lit space, Seokmin decided.

He leaned his head against Vernon's shoulder and let laughter fill the elevator again, closing his eyes in bliss. He felt dangerous, rebellious even. This was different then anything he'd ever do if he was in the right state of mind, but he was happy nonetheless. Happy to just let go for once.

The elevator made a sound to indicate that they were on the correct floor and they both filed out of it, Seokmin followed Vernon to where he presumed was his home. As the door was unlocked by a small keypad on the side of the door, his nostrils were instantly attacked by a strong scent that lingered.

He looked around with wide eyes, the room was dark, much like the outside city that was now beneath them. The only source of light were the two pink lava lamps that sat idly on side tables and strip lights that were turned on to blue. As he walked deeper within this sanctuary, there was a couch with a person on it, Seungkwan.

In his hand was a long bong, his lips inside of the rim and a lighter in his left hand. Seokmin watched in awe as he inhaled a big breath and then let it out, closing his eyes and throwing his head back in what looked like relief and complete relaxation.

"Wow," Seokmin muttered, looking around the room in amazement. It was beautiful and true to his words, different from anything or any reality he's ever seen. There were plastic stars stuck to the ceiling, the walls were decorated with abstract art and neon signs. There were multiple bongs around the room and the smell of marijuana penetrated Seokmin's nostrils.

There was also alcohol lined up against the wall, along with glasses and random snacks. The room was comfortable and almost tranquil. Vernon left him standing in the entry way of the living room, making his way over to Seungkwan and waiting for him to light the bong again. Once he did he inhaled it again, and this time instead of letting the smoke escape his lungs, he shared a kiss with Vernon.

When they pulled away, Vernon sat down next to his boyfriend in complete bliss, opening his eyes and gesturing for Seokmin to sit on one of the couches. He did, feeling like he wanted to know more about this, about how Seungkwan and Vernon even obtained all of this stuff.

He wanted to try it.

"Hey," Seungkwan finally said, putting the bong on the table and looking towards Seokmin, "You look really surprised. You don't have to try anything if you don't want to. I'm sorry if my idiot of a boyfriend didn't warn you before," He finished, offering Seokmin a fairly welcoming and warm smile.

Vernon rolled his eyes at Seungkwan's rude name for him, but nodded in agreement nonetheless, "If you want," He started, "You can just have some drinks and get completely wasted, I just thought this could be a nice experience for you."

Seokmin really appreciated the two of them, since they were concerned for his well being and making sure that everything was completely consensual. He wanted to do this, wanted to experience something new, and for once he didn't want to worry about the after, just wanted to live in the here now.

"I want to try it, but I don't know how to..." Seokmin quietly trailed off, not wanting to break the serene atmosphere in the room. He was shy at his lack of experience, but the other two didn't seem to care.

"Well, you can either share the bong with us or I can roll you a blunt, it's whatever you prefer," Vernon said, already moving to get started on his task. 

"I can share with you guys? Will that be easier?" He asked, not wanting to trouble the other two. His mind was still clouded with all of the alcohol he consumed, but he knew what he wanted and it seemed like the bong was more accessible at the moment.

Vernon shrugged and sunk back into the couch.

"You might cough at first, but don't pull away or else the smoke will escape from it, okay?" Seungkwan instructed, picking the bong up and handing it to Seokmin, "Hold it with both hands so you don't drop it and I'll light it for you. I won't do it for long so you can get the hang of it. If you can't breathe pull away and when the smoke is in your mouth you can move away and then blow it out."

Seokmin nodded, nervously picking up the glassware. He brought it close to his face and placed his lips into the rim of it, looking at Seungkwan for guidance. The younger boy nodded at him and grinded his thumb against the hand lighter, bringing the flame closer. Vernon was watching from the couch, leaned back with a small smile pulling at his lips.

Once it was lit he watched as the bowl began to glow and the smoke started to travel closer to him. He inhaled slowly to prevent coughing and continued until he felt like he wasn't able to breathe. When he let his hands slip from the bong, he exhaled and watched as the smoke joined the rest that was settled like a heavy cloud over the room.

He looked at the other two who each gave him a thumbs up, complimenting the way he stayed calm during the process, which was the main point. He felt good, blissful. He wanted to do again and when he looked towards them, Seungkwan brought the lighter up again and nodded at him.

They continued to share it until Vernon decided that it was enough for Seokmin. The couple occasionally shared one hit with a kiss, but Seokmin didn't even realize. He was in his own loop, smiling at nothing and seeing the world differently.

At first he felt like he was being pulled away from the earth and towards the dark sky when blackness began to invade his vision, but after much convincing from Vernon and Seungkwan, he realized that he was just growing tired. The last thing he saw before his eyes shut for the rest of the night, was the couple putting the bongs away and covering his small body with a blanket.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, what did you guys think? we finally got to meet seungkwan and vernon as well as get some information on jihoon! i hope you guys enjoyed and hopefully i’ll meet you again next chapter!


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! i’m trying to get chapters out as quickly as i can and it’ll be a little easier now that i’m on a small break from school!

The next morning Seokmin woke up with groggy eyes and a hellish headache. He expected to be tucked away in his own bed, maybe Chan would be awake and making coffee as he sometimes did, but when he was able to crank his eyes open, he nearly fell out of the couch he was laying upon.

He knew absolutely no one who had those stupid strip LED lights and random glow signs hanging upon the otherwise boring walls. Something smelled, it wasn't putrid, but also wasn't pleasant either. Seokmin looked around the room, trying to figure out where the hell that awfully familiar scent was fanning out from. As he continued to look, his nose led him back to his own clothing, and when he pulled his shirt up and got a whiff of it, he scrunched up his nose.

He smelled of alcohol and...was that marijuana? Seokmin quickly pulled his shirt over his nose again, inhaling the scent and falling back on the couch when he realized that yes, he was on a random person's couch and he did reek of marijuana. Although, the couch was actually pretty comfortable and he was sure that if he shrunk into himself and under the blanket, he'd be able to fall back into a deep sleep.

However that wasn't going to happen, not when he watched one of the other doors open. Out stepped a man that looked around his age, and suddenly the memories came rushing back all at once. He was at Vernon's apartment, who also happened to be Seungkwan's boyfriend.

Vernon walked closer, still clad in his pajamas. His hair was stuck up in multiple directions and his eyes were hardly open. He ran his hand through his hair in a weak attempt to make it look presentable, at least that's what Seokmin thought he was doing.

It seemed as if he had forgotten that he had lent his couch and so much more to Seokmin last night, since when he walked into the living room he jumped up in fear and then sighed, "I forgot you were here," He grumbled, walking past Seokmin and into what he presumed was the kitchen.

Seokmin laughed to himself and sat up on the couch, rubbing his aching head with his hand. He looked around for his phone and found it on the floor near one of the other couches. He had wondered how it had gotten there before dropping the thought altogether, memories to smudged in with each other for him to even consider going through them.

Vernon came back in, two pills in his hand along with a glass of water. He sat down text to Seokmin before placing the items on the coffee table and looking at the older man.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked.

Seokmin nodded, "I have a headache and I feel somewhat nauseous, but otherwise I'm fine," He responded, feeling his chest swell with appreciation as Vernon sighed out of relief and handed him the pills, telling him with a laugh that they were just ordinary painkillers.

"I just wanted to make sure that the weed didn't mess you up from last night. Did you like it?" Vernon asked again.

Seokmin gave himself a minute to think it over, trying to recall everything that went through his mind last night and seeing if anything had changed. He did enjoy it, he decided. It made him feel somewhat cut off from the rest of the world and helped him calm his feelings down. It was extremely relaxing and gratefully took his mind off of all of the stress he was crumbling under.

He was sure that he'd crack and completely break down, whether it be in the form of being angry and dwelling in self loath or crying and going to Jeonghan for advice. Now he was sure that those things wouldn't happen, he felt much more relived and even though nothing according to his life had changed, he felt like a million bricks had been lifted from his shoulders.

And on top of all of that, he had made two new friends.

"I did like it," Seokmin nodded, just as Seungkwan began to make his way into the living room, looking more tired than the both of them. He gave Seokmin a smile and plopped down on his boyfriend's lap, wrapping his arms around Vernon's neck and fitting his head on his shoulder. Vernon's hands came up and settled on Seungkwan's hips, steadying him as he placed a kiss on the pout his lips had taken form of.

"Sorry, he gets really bad weed hangovers," Vernon said, a small and fond smile on his face.

Seokmin hummed and let his mind wonder to why Seungkwan would smoke so much if he had such terrible hangovers, but before he had the chance to ask, Vernon supplied him with the answer.

"We smoke since it's relaxing and both come from shit situations. It's easier to cope when we're not oblivious to anything. There's a reason smoking marijuana is illegal you know," He said, lovingly patting Seungkwan's head and soothing whatever pain he was facing.

Seokmin felt the bliss leave his body as he watched with blank eyes. Should he just accept that he wasn't made for relationships? As much as he wanted one, he felt like he'd never get to the point of love and affection these two clearly have settled upon.

"It's because it's dangerous, right?" Seokmin replied to Vernon's question, tilting his head to the side in a way that made the younger boy coo.

"You're so innocent. It's because when you're high, your mind wanders to places beyond this earth. Things start to make sense, like we realize secrets and we can evaluate them better," Vernon inquired, a large smile on his face from his own words.

Seokmin wasn't sure he believed this theory, even Seungkwan didn't seem to as he hit his boyfriend's chest and rolled his eyes.

"Please, the reason I smoke is because I come from a bad family and it eases my anxiety," Seungkwan supplied, ignoring Vernon who was shaking his head in disagreement.

Seokmin laughed as they both began to bicker, causing him to look over at his dead phone and then glance around the room, looking for a clock. There was a small wall clock which of course, was neon. He read the time and frantically began to gather his things together when he realized just where he was and who was probably waiting for him.

Jeonghan was going to be pissed that he didn't ever call when he got home, because he never did.

"Woah, why in such a rush?" Vernon asked, a playfulness to his voice that Seokmin failed to recognize. He snatched his phone from the couch and stood up, immediately regretting it as he felt the dizziness rush to his head.

"Hey, seriously," He said, mirth leaving his voice. Vernon gently placed Seungkwan on the cushion next to him and stood up, steadying Seokmin in the process.

Seokmin looked up at the boy and felt something begin to make its way up from his stomach. He threw his hand over his mouth and pushed away from Vernon.

"Hansol! He's gonna throw up!" Seungkwan all but yelled, standing up himself and running towards the nearest trash bin. He grabbed it, smaller than an average kitchen one, and shoved it into Seokmin's arms.

The eldest of the three fell to the hardwood floor, bruising his knees from the impact as he hurled into the small trash bin. Vernon turned away, pulling Seungkwan along with him as they listened to the sounds of Seokmin retching.

He felt absolutely horrible. Maybe alcohol and drugs really didn't go down well together. He should've been more careful with what he was putting in his body. He felt like the throw up would never stop coming out, as disgusting as it sounded. However, contrary to his beliefs, his vomiting did stop and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hands, felt the tears begin to prickle his eyes as the taste of bile lingered in his mouth.

"I'm so sorry!" Seokmin immediately said, holding his head in his hands as he leaned back against their coffee table. He had completely ruined his clothes along with their trash bin. He was embarrassed and annoyed at himself. These two great people allowed him into their home and he pays them back by throwing up all over the place.

Seungkwan, seemingly the more tender hearted of the two, immediately turned around, shaking his head and signaling for Vernon to dispose of the trash bin.

"It's okay, Seokmin. Don't cry, I used to throw up like this too, it's okay," He gently said, pulling Seokmin up by the hands and pointing to the bathroom.

"You can go take a shower and I'll give you something else to wear, okay?"

Seokmin shook his head, insisting that he just should go home. This was embarrassing as it was and he didn't need to be parading around in a stranger's clothes since he ruined his own. He wasn't a child.

"It's the least we could do," Vernon spoke up, coming back from wherever he took the trash bin, "It's our fault that you got as intoxicated as you did and now you're severely hung over," He reasoned, patting Seokmin on the back.

Seokmin sniffled and nodded, following Seungkwan to his and Vernon's shared bedroom. He awkwardly stood by the door, not wanting to intrude anymore than he already had. Seungkwan sighed and pulled him in, stripping him of his shirt and carefully throwing it into a waste bin. Seokmin felt his face turn red in embarrassment, if it was one of his close friends then he'd be fine, but he felt like a child who needed assistance since they couldn't really do anything for themselves.

"Listen, Hansol already brought you here and we both agreed to wanting to become friends with you. Listen to me when I say that you have no reason to be embarrassed, it's okay to throw up because of alcohol or weed, whichever one it was. You don't have to be bashful or anything, we're more than willing to help," Seungkwan gently said, moving towards the drawers and grabbing a T-shirt along with some sweatpants.

"Now go clean up, there's towels in the bathroom. If you need anything just shout," Seungkwan said, gesturing the boy towards their bathroom. Seokmin trudged over to it, turning on the lights and wincing a bit at the brightness.

The bathroom was much more average than the rest of the apartment, but just as luxurious. The shower was fairly big and there also happened to be a jacuzzi tucked away in the corner of the room. Seokmin was honestly so confused. Vernon and Seungkwan said that they both had bad family situations, so how did they manage to live somewhere as high end as their apartment was.

There were no LED strips or any visible way of pointing out all the drugs and alcohol they had, but the neon signs did remain a prominent figure throughout the whole house. He wondered why, but didn’t want to dwell on it too much since he needed to get back home as soon as possible.

Once he stripped himself of all of his clothes, he stepped into the shower and turned on the water. It immediately came out hot and he hummed at the feeling that was most definitely welcomed. The water pressure was absolutely amazing as it hit his body, completely different from the weak stream back at the dorms. He allowed himself to just relax for a minute, eyes wandering over the different shampoo bottles that were placed upon a shelf.

He randomly selected one that smelled like almond oil and lathered it into his hair. He sighed out in contentment as he massaged he shampoo into his scalp. He let the water run out of his hair as he get lost in thought. Seokmin hoped that Jeonghan would forgive him for not calling last night and that he’d be able to make it up to him for worrying him.

His thoughts drifted off to Soonyoung, who always seemed to make it back into his mind even though he knew very little of him. Seokmin knew nothing more other than the fact that he was rude and had a passion for dancing, but for some reason he was infatuated with him.

Seokmin wasn’t usually somebody who was nosy of the sorts, but he wanted to know why Soonyoung acted the way he did, why he was so defensive over dance and always made sure that people knew that he was the best. Maybe he had low self confidence and needed to reassure himself quite often, but Seokmin didn’t think that was the case. He seemed confident enough and capable enough too.

He wanted to dwell more on his life and what led him up to this point, in two stranger’s apartment, in their shower and washing away the remains of last night’s events, but a banging on the door successfully pulled him out of his thoughts. He almost slipped in fear, but was able to settle when the incessant pounding continued.

“Lee Seokmin you have five minutes to get out of there before I come in and pull you out myself!” The voice yelled, making Seokmin’s heartbeat speed up.

How the hell did Jeonghan find him here? Although he had no time to dwell on what traces he could’ve left behind, he quickly rinsed his body before stepping out of the hot shower, turning the water off and quickly getting dressed in the clothes provided to him by Seungkwan.

He took a deep breath before turning the door handle and stepping out, running the towel through his hair before Vernon came over and took it from him, tossing it into a laundry basket.

Jeonghan looked furious, to say the least. His hands were balled up into fists at his sides and he was basically staring daggers at Seokmin. He felt himself shrink a little, Jeonghan had never looked at him with so much venom piercing his gaze.

“I’m sorry, we don’t even know how he got in to the complex,” Seungkwan said, clearly not really understanding the situation, probably wasn’t even aware of how close he and Jeonghan really were.

He shook his head, but before he could get any words out Jeonghan spoke first. As Seokmin looked around, he noticed the door was still hanging open, most likely unnoticed in the heap of Jeonghan’s arrival.

“Come on,” He simply said, tugging at Seokmin’s limp and unmoving arm.

Seokmin pulled his arm out of Jeonghan’s grasp, shocking both of them in the process. He looked up with wide eyes, shaking his head and backing away.

“Seokmin.”

Vernon and Seungkwan just watched from the side, clinging on to each other in what looked like worry and confusion.

“I’m not a baby, Jeonghan. I’m tired of you guys treating me like I am. How did you even find me?” Seokmin managed to let out, feeling hurt and guilt settle deep into his stomach when Jeonghan looked at him with betrayal shining in his eyes.

“You think that’s what this is? I was worried for you. You left our apartment when it was completely dark out and you never called to tell us that you had arrived safely. We were out all night looking for you, thinking either you were passed out in someone’s car or laying out dead,” He deadpanned, and when Seokmin got a better look at him, he noticed that he was still dressed in the same clothes from last night.

“I tried calling and texting, even looking at your location, but your phone was turned off until a couple of minutes ago. I got your location and here I am now.”

Seokmin looked over to where his phone was before he left for the shower and when it wasn’t there he figured that one of the two must have put it in the charger. He looked back at Jeonghan and when he moved closer to his best friend he stopped, suddenly feeling so stupid again.

How many times could somebody fuck up?

As if the situation couldn’t get any worse, they all turned around as soon as they heard the familiar voice by the door, making Vernon pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Wow you’re having a party without me? You promised that next time you got stoned you’d invite me,” Soonyoung said, a pout settling on his lips. He was dressed in a satin robe and boxers, his hair was tousled as if he’d just woken up and his feet were clad in slippers.

Jeonghan and Seokmin looked over to the two home owners and Seungkwan sighed, “He lives on the floor above us,” He explained, unenthusiastically.

“Wait,” Soonyoung said, stepping into the apartment with an evil grin on his face. He pushed the door shut with his foot and looked at Seokmin, “This isn’t just any party, you invited twinkle toes and Yoon Jeonghan, didn’t think they were the type to smoke,” He said, laughing at the name he had given Seokmin.

Seokmin was sure that if this was any other situation he’d probably get embarrassed at the name, but he couldn’t because how did Soonyoung even know Jeonghan’s name. And as if Soonyoung could read minds, his question was answered for him.

“Man, I haven’t seen Yoon Jeonghan since graduation.”

Seokmin turned to look over at his best friend, this time betrayal prominent in his own eyes, “You lied to me about not knowing him.”

“And last night you fucking got stoned with two complete strangers while me and my boyfriends were worried sick! You’re an absolute idiot and a selfish asshole,” Jeonghan shot back, pushing past Soonyoung and heading towards the door. The dancer moved out of the way with a grin and waved Jeonghan out.

Seokmin slumped down on the couch and ran his hands through his damp hair. Completely stressed out again and void of a solution. He wanted to run after Jeonghan and apologize, but why didn’t he tell Seokmin that he knew who Soonyoung was, why would he lie to him?

Suddenly he felt a weight sink down next to him on the couch and when he looked over at the unfamiliar person, it was Soonyoung. Immediately he felt rage fill his body and he pushed the dancer away from him, standing up from the couch and storming out with nothing else said.

Seungkwan chased after him and handed him his phone, typing his own phone number into it.

“If you need anything, Hansol and I are always here for you,” He said, giving him a smile.

Seokmin thanked him and nodded before running towards the elevator, now somewhat desperate to find Jeonghan and apologize.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love seungkwan and vernon so much and i’m happy with the characters i gave them! do you guys think that seokmin and jeonghan should be mad at each other and how do you feel about soonyoung now? anyways i hope you guys enjoyed it!


	6. Six

Seokmin blankly stared up at the ceiling, getting caught up in his own thoughts about what had happened within the past twenty four hours. How did he manage to ruin his friendship with Jeonghan that quickly? How could he ever allow him to even grow envious of Jeonghan's happiness? To be honest, he felt like a horrible friend and a horrible person on top of all that.

They were so worried for him. Jeonghan, Joshua and Seungcheol were so fucking worried for him and spent their night looking for him. He wished that he would've just went back home last night instead of getting intoxicated to the point of no return. What really pissed him off was Soonyoung instigating shit between them, hell, Seokmin barely even knew the guy.

Apart from meaningless complaints from his friends and his dashing good looks, Soonyoung was nothing to him.

Seokmin did have hopeless expectations though, some kind of cliche. When he first saw Soonyoung he wanted to fall deep into love with him and possibly go on amazing dates and be filled with the upmost feelings of joy and happiness, but he'd been reminded once again, he didn't get to have that. Of course, Soonyoung had to turn out to be a horrible person, who had potential to be better but obviously didn't really care.

Maybe he wasn't in the right to call Soonyoung a bad person when he wasn't to great himself, well in his own opinion. Otherwise Jeonghan wouldn't have called him selfish.

He wanted to cry, he'd never heard such hatred spewing from Jeonghan's tone, let alone directed towards him. They had really never fought like that before and it was so embarrassing when he went over there last night to apologize and Joshua had answered the door, hesitantly telling him to get home and get some rest.

His own best friend didn't want to see him.

As he tried to blink away the tears, a lump formed in his throat and he attempted to swallow it down to no avail. He clutched on to the blankets and tried to steady his breathing, wanting to just relax. Honestly, Seokmin wanted to bliss he had received from smoking, but it wasn't an option, he knew that.

He wiped his tears away as he heard the door to the dorm opening. When he got home last night Chan was there and waiting expectantly for him, his arms open for a hug. He was grateful for Chan who didn't pry and instead lulled him to sleep softly, thumbing his tears away in the process. Although he knew that the younger boy was curious and would want answers as to why he was so upset.

Speaking of Chan, he slowly shut the door behind him and trudged over to Seokmin's bed, diving in and laying next to him. He threw his arm around Seokmin's torso and squeezed him tightly, looking up at him.

"Are you okay?"

Seokmin shook his head and ran his fingers through Chan's hair. He hummed from next to him and closed his eyes. Seokmin was also curious as to what he and Jihoon got into, but as of right now he wanted to be selfish and wallow in his own self hatred.

"Jeonghan hates me."

Chan sighed, "That's not true, Seokmin. I don't think he could ever hate you, he was just worried." He was aware of the fact that two nights ago, Jeonghan was looking for Seokmin. The knowledge came in the form of a frantic phone call from an obviously very stressed out Jeonghan.

Seokmin didn't reply to Chan because frankly, he didn't believe him. His self esteem wasn't usually wavering as it had been as of late, but right now Seokmin felt like he was at his lowest. He was a hopeless romantic that obviously just wasn't suited for being in a relationship, he knew that if he just accepted it quicker then it'd be easier for him to be alone in the long run. He managed to make his best friend hate him in the time span of twenty four hours, and he wasn't sure how that was even possible.

Soonyoung really didn't make it better either. While he wasn't acquainted with Seokmin in any way shape or form, he still was able to tear him apart, whether it be in the form of calling him names or blowing up an already heated fight. Soonyoung clearly lived for the drama, either that or he was a complete and utter sociopath who was narcissistic and soulless, although Seokmin didn't quite believe the latter.

He liked to think that everyone was good deep down, and he knew that it was a naive way of thinking, but he still couldn't convince himself that Soonyoung was just a human who lacked personality along with empathy.

Either way, whether Seokmin wanted to see the good in him or not, Soonyoung obviously had a complexity issue where he believed that he was better than the average person, and that didn't sit right with him.

"Seokmin," Chan gently called out, pushing the older boy's bangs away from his forehead and looking into his big eyes that were filled with sadness. They were glassy and very obviously holding in more tears, but he didn't say anything to indicate that he had noticed.

"What is it?"

"Are you okay?" He repeated his question for earlier, wanting Seokmin to just point out what it was he was feeling, whether it be sadness or desperation, anything.

"I told you already. I treated him horribly when he was just worried about me, Chan. I was so out of it that almost everything that happened that night was a blur. If I knew that he was looking for me-"

"But you didn't know," Chan sternly cut him off, "Stop blaming yourself, Seokmin. Seriously Jeonghan was just worried and I'm sure that if he hated you then he wouldn't be upset that you were doing something as stupid as smoking! Why can't you see how much he cares about you? If he knew that you were crying over him right now, I know he'd come running just to comfort you."

Seokmin tried to get the mental image of a concerned Jeonghan going out of his way just so he could assure him that he didn't resent him, but he couldn't, not when he had called him those names with nothing but honesty lacing his voice, well what had sounded like honesty to Seokmin anyways.

"If you don't go see him then I'll be forced to call him here and have you guys talk it out. This is stupid," Chan said with determination. He picked up his phone to show Seokmin that he was serious and powered it on, scrolling through his contacts.

Seokmin didn't want that. He didn't want Jeonghan to feel obligated to apologize to him when he really had nothing to apologize for. He needed to make the first move and if he was more confident in himself then maybe he would've, but Chan didn't need to get in involved.

"Just leave it alone, Chan."

"No, you're gonna let this ruin your friendship with him? Come on, Seokmin! Get up and go apologize," He said, pulling the older boy out of his bed and smoothing his hair down. Seokmin groaned, but slipped on his shoes anyways. He knew that Chan was right, but it didn't stop the fear from settling deep within him.

Chan watched with his arms crossed, a knowing look on his face. Seokmin hated that he was, most of the time, always right. He clearly knew it too, if the smirk on his lips was anything to go by.

As soon as Seokmin opened the door he took a deep breath and walked out, closing it behind him. Now that he was alone, his thoughts would most likely take over, whether they were toxic or not. Maybe they'd make him turn back around and jump into the comfort of his bed, or he could always go see Seungkwan and Vernon. Although, he wouldn't let that happen. Jeonghan deserved an apology, even if he didn't want to accept it.

When he got to the elevator, it opened before he even had the chance to press on the button. Seokmin really wasn't expecting it, but Jeonghan stood there, looking at his best friend with wide eyes. He stepped out and pulled Seokmin into a hug, letting his hands run up and down his back. Seokmin stood there, limp, arms hanging by his sides. He was shocked that right now he was in Jeonghan's arms, that the other boy had come after him first.

"I'm so sorry, Seokmin," Jeonghan said first, pulling away from the hug and looking at him in his eyes. Seokmin could feel his eyes getting wet with tears. He didn't want to cry in front of Jeonghan, but he was so relieved.

His best friend didn't hate him and that was the greatest feeling ever.

"Let's go to your dorm and talk about it, okay?" He softly asked, smiling as Seokmin nodded at him. Jeonghan gently pulled him along to the dorm room.

Seokmin opened the door and immediately met Chan's eyes. The youngest was smiling and quickly showed himself out, mumbling something about going on a walk to give them alone time.

But before he had the chance to make a smooth exit, Jeonghan grabbed the boy was his arm and practically squeezed the life out of his cheeks. Chan was squirming and Seokmin was laughing under his breath, not really sure why Jeonghan had an interest in his roomate.

"You've been distant, Chan." He said, pressing his cheeks together and cooing at the younger boy's cuteness.

"Because you always do this!" He exclaimed, pulling Jeongan's hands away from his cheeks and pouting. He was cute when he wanted to be, they all knew it. Jeonghan laughed and gave him a hug before letting him be on his way.

Then he turned back to Seokmin and his smile slowly fell. Seokmin's chest began to fel constricted from the emotion that was radiating off of Jeonghan. He was apologetic and Seokmin wanted to reach out to him and prove that he had nothing to be sorry for.

"I didn't mean anything I said about you being selfish. I was just really scared that you weren't okay. You're the most selfless person I know, Seokmin. And you can do whatever you want with your life, I shouldn't have barged into their apartment like that and I shouldn't have lied about Soonyoung," Jeonghan said, running his hands through his hair.

They were standing quite a distance away since Jeonghan went after Chan, so Seokmin slowly got closer whilst shaking his head.

"You have nothing to apologize for. You were right, I should've called you and told you that I was okay. It's my fault, Han. And I don't care that you knew who Soonyoung was. It doesn't matter and I'm pretty sure he just wanted to see us fight. It's okay, we're okay," Seokmin countered, pulling Jeonghan into his arms with a smile.

"You thought I hated you. Joshua told me so."

Seokmin's cheeks grew red as he looked up at the ceiling, a quiet laugh escaping his lips, "It was stupid of me to think like that, right?"

Jeonghan only frowned, "Yeah, really stupid. I couldn't never hate you, Seokmin. I love you so much, you know that right? Yesterday I was furious, that's why I had Joshua send you home. I'm sorry for that too, I didn't think that you'd be as hurt as you were."

Seokmin felt all of the weight lift off of his shoulders when he heard Jeonghan say those words. Jeonghan loved him, platonically of course, but still. It made him feel so much more reassured and a lot better.

"It's okay, let's just forget about it. We both messed up and we both apologized, right?" He said, smiling at Jeonghan who nodded and let out a content sigh.

Everything would be okay and Seokmin wished he had realized this way before he let his self doubt eat away at him. His and Jeonghan's relationship went much deeper than stupid words and short fights.

———

Seokmin took a deep breath as he stood outside of the dance studio, very much aware that Soonyoung was on the other side. It had been a stressful week filled with him trying to find a willing dance major to help him with the showcase, and finally he found Kim Mingyu.

The last time he saw Soonyoung was when he and Jeonghan fought, and on top of calling him names, Soonyoung had just acted like the usual asshole he was. Seokmin didn't want to have another meaningless fight with the dancer, so he decided on just acting like the other wasn't there. He knew that Chan, Jun, Minghao and Soonyoung were practicing their routine for the showcase, but this was the only time Mingyu could get one of the other practice rooms available for just them.

He had met up with Mingyu once before where they quickly clicked after discovering that they were the same age and also happened to have the same taste in music. After Seokmin showed him the song, they had already began to come up with choreography for the dance and Mingyu brought up the idea of using backup dancers. They agreed on it after considering some candidates that Mingyu would cast.

Now Seokmin, nervous as ever, stood out in the sun, contemplating everything. He knew he had some sort of knack for dancing and even took classes when he was still in high school, but it had been a long time since he had put those skills to use.

He checked the time on his phone and realized that he'd be late if he didn't get a move on. So with that he pushed past the door and into the studio. It didn't look different from when he last came here, except this time one of the studios was being occupied and through the glass he could see Chan and Jun dancing.

Seokmin sighed with a sweet smile on his face, somewhat proud of his friends for being such incredible dancers. He felt like he could watch them forever. Their bodies moved so beautifully and they were obviously extremely skilled and well trained. The languid pull of their legs and elegant curve of their bodies made Seokmin never want to look away, completely trapped within their hypnosis.

Although was lured out of his trance when an overexcited Mingyu jumped on to his back with a wide smile. Seokmin groaned out in pain at having a six foot child hanging from his shoulders, but found himself smiling nonetheless. Mingyu was already growing on him.

After sharing their greetings he followed Mingyu into a different studio, a smaller and stuffier one, but it was still pretty nice in Seokmin's opinion. He placed his bag on the floor by the dome chairs that were lined up by the wall and smiled as he met eyes with three unfamiliar people.

Mingyu was practically beaming as he said, "Seokmin, these two guys are Kwan and Sunghoon, they're gonna be your backup dancers!" Seokmin bowed to them and held his hand out, his big smile still on his face.

Kwan had light brown hair with some blond streaks running through it, he wore a black T-shirt that showed off his arm tattoos. His fingers were decorated with rings and he looked pretty intimidating, but as soon as he smiled Seokmin felt at ease. Kwan had an aura that surrounded him. He radiated positivity and happiness, he felt that they'd get along well.

The other one, Sunghoon, had his hair pulled up into a bun, raven locks tightly secured by a bright blue hair band. He had a nose piercing as well as a hoop hanging from his brow, Seokmin liked his look. He also happened to be fairly confident, pulling Seokmin into some kind of handshake they'd definitely have to work on later.

"And this is Wonwoo, my boyfriend," He gleamed, proudly showing Wonwoo off as if he couldn't even believe that they were dating. Wonwoo was tall, just like Mingyu and gave Seokmin quiet vibes, he seemed calm and easy going. His eyes were accessorized by thin rimmed circular glasses and he looked extremely well kept and tame compared to Mingyu, but opposites attracted, he supposed.

“So Sunghoon helped me come up with a lot of moves since he’s a phenomenal choreographer. They both agreed to help you because they don’t have routines for the showcase!” Mingyu enthusiastically explained, nodding his head.

“Thank you guys, really. I was stressing about this,” Seokmin said, smiling even wider when the dancers shook their heads and explained that they didn’t kind.

“So let’s get started, Wonwoo is just gonna run the music,” Mingyu said, placing a peck on his cheek before arranging the three dancers into a triangle formation.

As Mingyu began teaching them the choreography Seokmin felt his determination set in as well as his competitiveness. He wanted to be the best at the showcase, and he definitely knew that he couldn’t disappoint.

At first, he was fairly tense, still slightly nervous from messing up, but after they took a break and explained to him to relax, he felt much better. His body began to simply move along with the instruction as well as the music, he wasn’t even worried about making a fool of himself.

The dance itself wasn’t extremely difficult, but it did have a lot of large movements that would leave him breathless. He knew that meant that he had to work on his endurance and practice singing live as well. Seokmin wanted to blow everyone away and it was important that he did since agents would be there. Even his parents would be coming to see him, he was really excited. Even though he went to school in Seoul and that home that he’d grown up in wasn’t extremely far away, he still was really busy and didn’t have the chance to go back home.

He was cut out of his thoughts when the music suddenly stopped, making him look away from his own reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror and glance at Wonwoo, confused.

Although he just tipped his head and once Seokmin looked towards the direction he let out a quiet grown. Soonyoung was standing in the doorway, and he looked mad.

Mingyu matched his same energy, his previous playfulness completely gone.

“What?” He questioned, standing straight and signaling for the dancers to do the same.

“You didn’t run this by me,” Soonyoung said, acting as if he owned the place and honestly, Seokmin wouldn’t be surprised if he actually did.

Mingyu scoffed and rolled his eyes, “I didn’t know I had to. Last time I checked this was a studio for the students on campus.”

“Yeah, they have to be dance majors though and last time I checked, Seokmin was a singing major,” Soonyoung replied, looking the singer straight in the eyes.

Seokmin grew uncomfortable and shifted where he was standing, looking nervously towards Mingyu for help.

“Can you just stop being a jackass for once? Don’t you have a rehearsal to get to?”

Soonyoung clicked his tongue, “Find somewhere else to reherse. This studio isn’t just for anyone you find off the streets.” This time he was looking towards Sunghoon and Kwan, disgust prominent on his face. Seokmin literally had enough of Soonyoung’s tomfoolery and bullshit.

“You are such an insufferable piece of shit. Just leave us alone, seriously. Are you obsessed with me or something? You always show up,” Seokmin said, sharply staring at Soonyoung. Nervousness and awkwardness were still lingering within him, not really used to being rude to someone, but he pushed the feelings down.

“Please, if anything I’d be more obsessed with one of the street dancers rather than a mere twink, didn’t you cry last time I called you that? Where’s all this sudden confidence coming from?” Soonyoung challenged, walking closer to the younger boy.

“Didn’t you learn your lesson from when Seungcheol punched you? And you got all pissy when I gave you some criticism back at my dorm,” Seokmin explained, putting on an innocent front.

“Soonyoung, come on!” It was Jun, walking into the studio and furrowing his eyebrows at the sight of Seokmin there.

“I’m coming, just run through the routine,” Soonyoung said. Jun glanced at him before shrugging, smiling at Seokmin before he returned to their own practice room.

“Can I talk to Seokmin privately? We have something we need to talk about and I want it to be done privately. If he can answer my questions then you guys can use the studio and I’ll stay away” Soonyoung said, tapping against his hip with two fingers.

Seokmin let out a sigh as he nodded, moving his sweaty bangs out of his eyes before following Soonyoung. He took them towards the locker rooms, opening the door and letting Seokmin in first.

Seokmin was kind of nervous, why would Soonyoung want to talk to him privately? The guy seemed to have major mood swings all the time though, so maybe he’d be nicer now than he has been in the past.

Soonyoung moved closer and closed the door, locking it. Seokmin nervously looked up at him, this would he the first time the two of them were in a room alone and he felt like he could hear his heart beating loudly. As the dancer got closer and closer, he only felt his breathing pick up along with his heart rate.

Soonyoung suddenly slammed him into the wall and placed his hand by Seokmin’s head, looking at the boy with blazing eyes. Their faces were awfully close, breaths mingling in between them.

“If you ever get one of your little friends in our business or talk to me like you’re above me or something ever again, I’ll ruin your fucking life,” He said, suddenly getting even closer.

If Seokmin were to make a sudden movement, their lips would definitely touch and he kind of wanted to, wanted to feel Soonyoung’s plump lips on his own. Although reality suddenly came crashing down on him. Here he was, shoved up against a wall and getting threatened by Kwon Soonyoung and all he could think about was closing the gap between them, and kissing him.

At no response, Soonyoung smirked and pulled away from Seokmin, ruffling his hair before leaving the locker room. Seokmin’s cheeks felt red at the contact and he wanted to bury himself in a hole and possibly stay there forever.

He definitely didn’t want to kiss Soonyoung, didn’t want more from him. He was fucked, especially if he was starting to think about actually being civil with Kwon Soonyoung after he was just arguably threatened by the aforementioned.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i’m so sorry this took longer for me to get out but it is longer than the others and needed more time! nonetheless i’ll try to do better next time! what did you guys think of soonyoung this chapter??


	7. Seven

Jeonghan sighed as Seokmin spilled the details regarding his latest interaction with Soonyoung. It was like something out of a movie, extremely basic and super cliche, not that Soonyoung even wanted to be with Seokmin in that way and surely, Seokmin didn't want that either.

However, the way the younger boy spoke with this sense of hope, longing, it made Jeonghan sick. He'd be happy for Seokmin if it was somebody else, but how could he possibly be "falling" for the world's worst person?

"I'm not falling for him, Jeonghan," Seokmin said, rolling his eyes at the older boy's thoughts that he seemingly said out loud without realizing it, "He's just insanely attractive and maybe I'd be willing to sleep with him," He continued, laughing as Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

"Listen, I know you're just joking or whatever, but seriously stay away from Soonyoung. He's too much of an asshole for somebody like you," Jeonghan said, taking a sip of his hot chocolate and humming in contentment.

Seokmin looked at him in distaste, opting for believing that he was best friends with an absolute psychopath.

"Who drinks hot chocolate in April? It's unbelievably hot outside," Seokmin said. He currently was dressed in a sleeveless shirt with shorts, his feet clad in sneakers. Maybe he was exaggerating about the weather just a bit, but honestly he was really excited for their finals, including the showcase, to be over and for summer to come. Surely dressing like it was extremely hot outside would make summer come quicker.

Jeonghan just laughed and shook his head, "If it tastes good then it doesn't matter," He said. He picked up his cup again and brought it up to his lips, and in the midst of ranting on about his own problems, Seokmin didn't notice the shake of his hands before. Jeonghan was smiling, but it seemed tired and forced, like he just wanted to be happy for Seokmin.

"Are you okay?" Seokmin asked, bringing his own straw to his lips, sipping the sour lemonade.

At the question Jeonghan quickly put his cup back down and avoided eye contact from Seokmin. He gripped on to the sides of his chair and shook his head. Immediately, Seokmin knew that something was wrong and that it was serious. Jeonghan wasn't the nervous or jittery type and the fact that he was acting that way was quite worrying.

"Han?"

"Seungcheol-" He cut himself off, taking in a deep breath and squeezing his eyes shut. Seokmin had never seen his best friend act like this. Once his eyes opened again, he looked at Seokmin and sadly smiled.

"Last night Seungcheol and I..." He trailed off. Seokmin urged him to go on, completely invested.

"Well we decided to take a break from each other and Joshua is really a mess about it too. I feel like it's my fault and I know I told you that we solved everything from before, but we actually never did," Jeonghan slowly said, glancing up to catch sight of Seokmin's face. The younger boy was shocked, sure Jeonghan was unpredictable, but he had never even thought of this happening.

He wasn't even hurt about the fact that Jeonghan had lied to him, more worried about his well being and whether he was okay or not. Suddenly he was cut out of his thoughts when Jeonghan's hiccuped and pushed his head into his hands, shoulders shaking.

"When we went out to look for you that night, when we got home it blew up all over again and we have been avoiding each other since. Joshua tried to get us to speak, but Seungcheol was being so stubborn and I guess I had too much pride."

Seokmin furrowed his eyebrows, "But I thought you and Joshua were the only ones who were fighting? And they apologized when they came home."

Jeonghan let out a watery laugh, "I was still kind of mad from him taking Joshua's side and when I brought it up he got really upset and insisted that he didn't mean to, but I called him names and he called me names. Maybe the whole high school sweetheart thing isn't gonna work out and I already told him that he deserves Joshua more than I do," He explained, taking the napkin that Seokmin handed him and brought it uo to his eyes.

"Hey, it's not your fault and you know. I'm sure you both will come around and realize what you mean to each other and in the mean time Joshua can visit both of you. Where are you staying?" Seokmin asked, grabbing Jeonghan's small hands and fitting them in between his own, smiling at his best friend.

"I'm staying at a hotel, but Joshua insisted that I came home. I tried to explain to him that Seungcheol initiated the idea of a break and I went along with it, but he just shook his head and tried to pull me along."

Seokmin let out a hum, making a mental note to call either Joshua and Seungcheol and give them a piece of his mind. Jun and Chan always made fun of him for getting walked all over, but lately he's been trying to change that. Standing up to Soonyoung was one thing, but getting into it with his best friend's significant others was a whole different story and Jeonghan probably wouldn't let him do it if he knew.

Good thing there was no way Jeonghan would ever find out.

As he was about to say something more, his phone rang and cut him out of his thoughts. He saw that Seungkwan's name flashed across the screen and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. They've talked a bit since the last time they saw each other, but it never went further than texting. If anything he was closer to Vernon rather than Seungkwan.

"Hello?"

_"Lee Seokmin, my man!"_

It was Vernon on the other line.

"Vernon?"

_"Me and my boo-" His voice suddenly got further away from the phone as sounds of laughter and scolding came through the speakers._

_"Sorry, me and Seungkwan are having a small party tonight! With alcohol and marijuana and you should totally come!"_

Seokmin looked up at Jeonghan who was obviously listening in on their conversation, he shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in his chair. His eyes were a bit red from the mini crying session he had, but overall he looked like he was holding himself together pretty well.

"Can I bring a friend?" He asked.

_"Yeah whatever, doesn't matter! Just make sure if he's going to smoke that he brings his own stuff. You're the only one Seungkwan and I are sharing with!"_

Before Seokmin even had the chance to reply, the phone was cast away and all that could be heart was mumbled words and kissing sounds. Seokmin grimaced and hung up, shaking his head at the fact that Vernon was very much intoxicated with something.

"Was that Vernon?" Jeonghan asked, his eyes wondering up towards the ceiling of the cafe, his hands cupping the warm beverage between them. As Seokmin looked closer, he noticed that Jeonghan was wearing one of Seungcheol's shirts. He smiled inwardly, he knew that they wouldn't let their love die out so abruptly.

"Yeah, he invited me to a small party. You should come with me," Seokmin instantly said, clinging on to Jeonghan's arms and pulling him closer, making the hot liquid slosh around in the styrofoam cup.

"You know that's not my scene, and it's not yours either," Jeonghan countered, sighing when he felt Seokmin clutch on to his arms tighter and pout at him with big, sparkling eyes.

"It could help you forget about your sadness and if you want to try it-"

Jeonghan shook his head, "You're not convincing me to smoke weed and frankly I dont want you to do it either. I don't care what Seungkwan and his bum of a boyfriend said, it'll only corrupt you," He said, snatching his arms away from his best friend and holding on tighter to the cup, making Seokmin think that he'd accidentally poke a hole through it.

"He isn't a bum, Vernon is really nice," Seokmin said, slowly allowing his hands to fall back by his sides.

Jeonghan sweetly smiled, although it still looked extremely sad and it made Seokmin's heart feel tight.

"I'm happy you're making friends, baby, but I just.... I don't trust him and I don't trust Soonyoung, especially if he's going to be under the influence. I care about you, you know that right?" Jeonghan inquired, "I already lost Seungcheol, I don't wanna lose you too."

Seokmin felt horrible. Jeonghan was currently going through a lot and he was about to go off and get high instead of actually comforting his best friend, when he knows for a fact that Jeonghan would drop everything for him.

"Stop giving me that look. You can do what you want and I'd be okay with it. If you wanna hang out, go for it. I'll stay with Chan, if that's okay with you," Jeonghan said, quickly adding the end to his sentence.

"Jeonghan?"

The aforementioned hummed in response.

"Anything you want, I've got you. Stay in our dorm as long as you want. I promise it's okay with me. I love you," Seokmin said, smiling when Jeonghan hid behind his hands, bashfulness prominent in his features.

"Thank you, seriously. And please, go have fun. I'll be okay."

———

Seokmin nervously stood outside of Vernon and Seungkwan's apartment. He didn't even know why suddenly he was feeling all jittery, but he was nonetheless. It was probably because he knew that there'd be new people that he had never met before.

He wasn't typically nervous around people he didn't know, but these were people that went to his college and would see him again. He wanted to let loose and have fun, but he also didn't want to embarrass himself. He tried to brush it off though, because he was here to have a good time.

Seokmin was dressed in shorts hung loosely from his legs, they reached down to his knee and had distressed pieces of fabric coming out from the hem. His upper body was covered in a white shirt that was tightly fit just so it could accentuate his toned stomach. He felt like he looked pretty good and with that in mind he brought his fist up to the door.

Seungkwan was the one to open it, a wide smile on his face. He beckoned Seokmin into the room that now had a dark blue hue rather than pink. There was smoke filling up the air along with beer cans surrounding the closer tables. Vernon was on the couch, bong in hand as he waved Seokmin over. There were people dancing in the living room and there were just some who were standing and talking.

It was really just an ordinary house party. A beer can was thrusted into his hand by Seungkwan and he opened it immediately, chugging down half of the thing only to grimace at the taste afterwards.

Once he was greeted by Vernon, the younger boy made space for him on the couch and tugged him down. Seungkwan sat on the other side of his boyfriend and they talked about nonsense for awhile.

It was really relaxing and he was having a good time, even though the music was gonna make his head thump and the amount of people in the room made it really stuffy, he was still enjoying himself. After taking on hit from the bong and finishing his beer, he felt his face get flushed red and sweat start to break out from the back of his neck.

He declared that he needed to head outside for some fresh air and Seungkwan led him over to their balcony, smiling and patting him on the back. Seokmin took a seat on one of the chairs and looked up at the sky. It was completely dark save for the bright stars that were shining down on him.

His mind wandered back to Seungcheol and Jeonghan and his lips twisted up into a smile. They had been together ever since he met Jeonghan and honestly he really believed that they'd be able to fix everything and they'd be okay. He knew it.

He let out a sigh and curled in on himself, grabbing his phone and shooting a text to Jeonghan to let him know that he was okay and safe. He got a smiley face in reply and smiled. As Seokmin put down his phone he closed his eyes and imagined himself on stage, something he always had wanted.

Maybe as an idol or something, but he wanted to sing for the rest of his life. After he would finish his performance he'd come off the stage to all of his friends congratulating him and maybe even a lover who was ready to pull him into a loving hug with cute kisses. That's honestly all he wanted in life and he didn't think it was very obtainable at the moment. There were much more qualified singers in the world anyways.

Seokmin turned his head when he heard the sliding door opening and watched as Soonyoung struggled to get it closed while holding a beer can and a bong in his hands. Seokmin let out quiet laugh when the dancer finally got it closed and turned around only to be surprised by Seokmin's presence.

"Shit, you scared me," He said, putting the bong on the table and sitting down in the other chair. Seokmin looked him over and felt his cheeks grow hot because Soonyoung looked attractive, more so than usual.

His black hair was split down the middle, showing his forehead. He was dressed in black leather pants and a black T-shirt which was tucked into the pants. A silver chain hung around his neck and his fingers were adorned with rings.

Soonyoung smirked, "Like something you see?" He asked, causing Seokmin to cringe at the overused pick up line, if one could even call it that. When Seokmin didn't reply, Soonyoung began to move his hands around and get the bong ready for him to smoke. Seokmin wondered why he came outside just for that when everyone inside was already doing it.

"Do you want to smoke with me?" He asked, stopping his movements and looking towards Seokmin. The aforementioned glanced towards the dancer and shrugged.

“I mean I barely know you and you want to share that?” He asked, pointing to the bong. Soonyoung shook his head with a smile. It was dangerously beautiful, Seokmin decided.

“We’ve seen each other everyday for like two weeks and-“

“And you’ve threatened me multiple times within those two weeks,” The singer pointed out, cutting Soonyoung off in the process.

Soonyoung leaned back in his chair and crossed on leg over the other. He went back to setting up the bong and pulled a lighter out from his pocket. There was hardly any light casted upon his face, save for the blue tint coming from inside. The wind blew through his hair and Seokmin watched as a finger adorned with a silver ring, slowly moved up until it was right in front of him, and then below his chin, touching him.

“Maybe I only did that for my own benefit, cause I liked seeing you pressed up against the wall,” Soonyoung suggestively said, smirking once red flourished upon Seokmin’s cheek. He slowly brought his hand back and lit the lighter, bringing it closer to the bong but not quite lighting it.

He let the flame illuminate between them and looked up at Seokmin. The younger boy felt his heart rate quicken as Soonyoung leaned in, bringing the fire closer and closer until he blew it out, softly laughing when Seokmin’s only response was to blink.

And as if nothing prior to this conversation had happened, Soonyoung spoke up, “So, is Jeonghan your boyfriend?”

Seokmin’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head, still at a loss for words. He didn’t ever expect to be having such a civil conversation with Soonyoung, let alone smoke with him. It was weird, but the night was young and so were they.

Soonyoung hummed, “You single?”

Seokmin nodded.

And without another word, Soonyoung lit the bong and brought the rim up to his mouth, closing his eyes as he held it up to his lips for a good while. When he finally pulled away, he wasn’t exhaling and before Seokmin even had the chance to think about it, Soonyoung pulled him closer by the back of his neck and connected their lips.

Seokmin wanted to pull away, but the kiss felt good and Soonyoung was warm, the breath of marijuana helped him ease his muscles and when they finally pulled away, Soonyoung licked his lips with a smile.

“I thought you didn’t like twinks,” Seokmin quietly said, cursing himself for allowing his voice to come out so weak and nervous.

“That’s because I love them.”

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me so long to get this out! i hope you enjoyed it regardless!


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// mentions of past sexual assault

'That's because I love them.'

The words rang through Seokmin's head like a mantra. They were still sitting outside together, Soonyoung continuously eyeing him, but he didn't really say anything after the last five words.

Why would he even say that? And Seokmin, despite the bigger part of his brain warning him to stay away, wanted to learn more about Soonyoung, who was interesting and seemingly had so many layers to him. He had led Seokmin to believe that he was nothing more than a stupid and inconsiderate asshole, but as they passed the blunt between each other, not sharing another kiss, Seokmin came to realize that Soonyoung is human, just like he is.

Some people have bad days and tend to take them out on whoever is around. He knew that it didn't justify all of the times Soonyoung had called him a twink, even though the first time was the worse, but he was willing to forgive. It seemed like Seokmin wasn't the only one thinking of that day, though.

"Hey, Seokmin?" He was so lost in his own world that at first he didn't hear Soonyoung calling for him, but then the voice got louder until he was successfully jolted back into reality. Seokmin hummed which left Soonyoung to let out a sigh, he was obviously hesitant over something.

"Why did you cry when I called you a twink that first time?" And the question did come out a little inconsiderate, Seokmin's cheeks burning a bright red from embarrassing.

"I came out at a really young age and apparently I looked like I was gay because I was always bullied in high school and called homophobic slurs, but there was this kid," Seokmin said, looking up towards the stars and squinting, already feeling the emotion well up in his throat. He didn't even know why he wanted to open up to Soonyoung, but he had never told anyone this, not even Jeonghan knew.

Maybe, he thought, maybe it'd be good to finally get this out after so many years.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone," Seokmin said, bringing his finger nails up to his mouth and beginning to nibble at them. He looked at Soonyoung and their eyes met, instantly he knew that the dancer wouldn't share his secret.

"I promise, Seokmin. We may not know each other, but you can trust me and I can pretend like it never even happened," Soonyoung said, a sweet smile on his lips. Seokmin's stomach filled with butterflies.

It was out of character from everything he had done to Seokmin in the past, but he was happy to see a different side of Soonyoung, someone who was a much better person in private.

However when Seokmin tried to find the words that would string everything together, he couldn't and decided that he wouldn't. Soonyoung was only being sincere now because he was under the influence, tomorrow everything would be different. So instead he shook his head and leaned back against the chair, bringing the bong up to his own lips.

"Another time," Was all he simply said before he took one last swig of his beer and stood up. He didn't say anything else before leaving Soonyoung alone on the balcony. He stumbled, feeling a little out of his mind and went to find where the liquor was, hoping he could just forget everything for tonight.

He knew that there most likely would never be a different time, but there was something telling him not to tell Soonyoung, that he couldn't really be trusted.

Seokmin found Jun leaning against the kitchen cabinet, Minghao was now where around him and he looked upset. There was a crease between his eyebrows and he looked Seokmin up and down. Seokmin smiled at him but frowned when the other boy didn't return it.

"Whatever you were doing with Soonyoung on the balcony, whatever you were talking about, don't do it again. Stay away from him, Seokmin. I mean it," He said, pulling Seokmin in by the arm and bringing him closer to him. Jun brought his lips up to the singer's ear, "He'll break you and by then Jeonghan probably won't be there to pick up the pieces."

"Why not?"

"Because it's either you choose Jeonghan or Soonyoung, I don't think it'll work if you have both," He said, letting go of the younger boy and pushing past him, linking with Minghao who seemingly came at the right time.

"Wait! Isn't he your best friend?" Seokmin called out, desperately wanting to be told everything. He didn't want everyone to keep walking on eggshells around him, he wanted the truth about Soonyoung.

Jun simply nodded and walked away, his arm linked with Minghao's. Seokmin watched, confusion and uncertainty swimming through his veins. He wanted to know what Jun was talking about, but those words of warning only drew Seokmin closer and made him more curious of Soonyoung.

He wanted to learn more about Soonyoung and why everyone kept trying to keep them away from each other. Maybe Jeonghan and Jun both knew something and didn't want to tell Seokmin, but one way or another he was planning to pry it out of one of them.

"You look like you're thinking extremely hard, which is the complete opposite of what you're supposed to do at a party," Vernon said, slinging his arm around Seokmin once he got close enough.

The young man smelled of marijuana and alcohol, he was not in his right state of mind and couldn't even stand up straight. Honestly, Seokmin wasn't really in the mood to get wasted or whatever, he kind of wanted to go home and get under the covers with Jeonghan. He felt really terrible actually, because why wasn't he with Jeonghan? Why did he even come to this stupid party when his best friend is going through a break up?

And it was like Vernon slurring unrecognizable and meaningless words in his ear made everything a reality. Seokmin hauled Vernon over to the bedroom and pushed the door open with his side. The younger boy was still blabbering incoherent words into his ear when Seungkwan walked in, a lot more sober than his boyfriend but obviously still under some influence.

He laughed as he watched Seokmin try to get Vernon into bed.

"You can go, I'll take care of Hansol," He said, walking closer to Vernon who was now laying on the bed. He pushed his hair away from his forehead and smiled down at him. Seokmin watched with a heavy heart, a small smile adorning his features.

"Do you love him?" Seokmin found himself asking, not exactly in the right state of mind but still curious.

Seungkwan looked up, his hand still running itself through Vernon's hair. The corner of his lips lifted up into a smile and his eyes began to shine, they were definitely filled with love. Seokmin could tell just how important these two were to each other, despite only knowing them for a short amount of time.

"Of course I love him. I wouldn't have done all of this if I didn't," Seungkwan said, glancing back down at his boyfriend whose eye's were closed. Seokmin obviously didn't know what Seungkwan had done for Vernon and he didn't want to be insensitive and ask about something that was none of his business. Although it seemed like Seungkwan was going to tell him anyways.

"We met our junior year of high school and back then we were both two teenagers who had nothing. My parents had basically disowned me after I told them that I was gay and that I didn't want to go through with whatever marriage they had arranged for me. My dad really wanted to use me for his business deals or whatever fucked up shit, but I didn't let him. I wanted to live my own life and I really wanted to sing," Seungkwan explained, his voice wavering towards the end.

Seokmin really felt for him, because he couldn't imagine not talking to his own parents who he loved and respected so much. They always did everything for him and supported every decision he made. He missed them so much and even thinking of being in a world where he would have to live without them made him feel really sad. He didn't know how Seungkwan was able to do it.

"The thing is my parents always loved me and I guess they just wanted what was best for me, but Hansol had never really experienced love. I mean, when we met he was really boring and seemingly had no personality. He was like a manufactured robot that was the product of two people who were emotionless themselves. He would hardly even speak to me and one day he just broke down," The younger boy looked up at the ceiling and bit his lip. Seokmin noticed that there were tears grazing his eyes.

"Hey, if you don't want to share it and you know that Vernon wouldn't want you to either, it's okay. I understand," Seokmin said, memories of his own trauma coming back into play in his mind.

"No, he's fine with it now but I just... he's gone through so much shit that he doesn't deserve. Hansol is an amazing person and it physically pains me to think that he ever had to endure something like this and keep quiet about it," Seungkwan quietly said, by now his face had turned red and he was trying to hold back his tears.

Seokmin's heart ached and he needed to let it out. There was still music spilling in from the living room and even though it seemed as if the crowd had thinned, the bedroom was still drowned in music. He had never expected himself to want to open up to anybody about his own experience, but finally he felt like someone was willing to listen.

"When I was in high school there was this boy I was seeing," He started, causing Seungkwan to look up at him with wide eyes.

As everything came flowing back Seokmin found his own eyes tearing up, and he looked down. His hands were tangled together in front of him and nervousness ate at his body, but he had to let it out, mainly because he had a feeling that Vernon had experienced something similar.

"He was the jock of the school and when he told me that he liked me, I couldn't believe it. We would go on dates and everything and I was so in love, well at least I thought it was love. He made me keep it a secret because no one knew that he was gay, and frankly he didn't know what he was either. One night he took me out for a date and it was a picnic beneath the stars, it was magical Seungkwan and I was gonna tell him that I loved him," Seokmin's let out a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Sometimes I can still feel his hands on my body. I kept telling him to stop, Seungkwan. I didn't want him to touch me like that but he wouldn't listen. I didn't want it," Seokmin cried out letting his head fall into his hands as he weeped into them.

"Did he...?" The other quietly asked.

"No, he didn't. But he touched me while he was touching himself and got mad at me when I told him that I wasn't into it. He took me home and I never talked to him again because he sent me a text that basically said he only wanted to experiment."

Seungkwan brought Seokmin into a hug and rested his forehead against the older boy's shoulder, "I'm sorry Seokmin, have you told anyone?"

"No, not even my parents know. I felt so ashamed of myself Seungkwan and at the time my confidence had already been knocked down so much that I thought I deserved it, which was ridiculous," Seokmin explained, shaking his head and bringing his hand up to play with the hair at the nape of Seungkwan's neck.

"Hansol went through something similar. I don't want to really talk about it but we eventually got over it together and I couldn't be even more proud of him. I love him with everything in me and I'd do anything for him," The younger boy said, pulling away from Seokmin and draping himself over Vernon, smiling when his boyfriend's lips jutted out into a pout.

Seokmin was happy for them. They looked like they really had each other's back no matter what. He really wanted that with someone, but he trusted that the right guy would come at the right time.

He didn’t want to allow the thoughts to cloud his head though, so he stood up from the bed and began to gather his things.

“It’s late, I don’t want Jeonghan to worry about me or anything,” Seokmin said, smiling when Seungkwan nodded his head in understanding, not wanting the events from last time to repeat again.

“Did you drink or anything? Are you sure you’re able to walk home alone? Maybe Minghao and Jun could walk with you sense they live back at the dorms too,” Seungkwan said, furrowing his eyebrows in concern. Seokmin felt his chest blossom with happiness at the thought of Seungkwan actually caring for him.

Before Seokmin actually had the chance to reply, the door swung open and it was Soonyoung again, except he looked kind of upset. His eyes were a little watery and his phone was clutched tightly in his hand.

“Hey Kwan, I’m gonna roll out. Sorry if it’s not much of a party without me,” He said, causing Seungkwan to shake his head with a quiet laugh.

“That’s fine Soonyoung. If you need to talk...” Seungkwan trailed off, side eyeing Seokmin. Suddenly he felt like he was intruding on something that he didn’t really have any business being apart of. Soonyoung just nodded though, leaving with a general wave and heading out the door.

After that Seokmin figured that he needed to get home as well, saying his farewells to Seungkwan and a completely out of it Vernon. He was going to head out and try to find Jun and Minghao, but before he could fully leave the room, Seungkwan spoke up.

“Thank you for sharing with me. I hope it made you feel better.” There was a smile on his face, it was comforting and strangely enough, familiar. Seokmin smiled in response, a real smile where all of his teeth showed and his eyes got small, before he completely left.

That night when he got home, his heart felt content and he knew that whatever he needed to get off his chest, Seungkwan was a good person to go to.

Seokmin and Jeonghan got under the covers together and fell asleep with their bodies tangled together, but the former wasn’t able to get too much sleep, not with the thought of Soonyoung’s lips running around his mind along with the caring and almost... genuine tone of voice the latter used when addressing Seokmin.

It was so genuine that Seokmin almost opened up to him about something so private and important to him, about his sexual assault. Although he was happy that he was able to tell Seungkwan, it was a step in the right direction and being able to finally get over it made him happy and proud.

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i’m sorry that this took so long for me to update, but my life was so crazy and hectic, but i’m feeling better now! this chapter was pretty heavy, what did you think?


	9. Nine

Seokmin was tired. Really tired. Sweat was dripping from his hair and his face was glowing, exhaustion was clear upon his features. His eyes had bags under them and his face was becoming more narrow and hollow. Dancing was exhausting, that was for sure, but he couldn't just give up. The showcase was in two months and he was about half way done with learning the dance, as well as getting all the moves right and in sync. 

Mingyu was a great mentor and Kwan and Sunghoon were amazing dancers, it was coming together really well and soon Seokmin would begin to practice singing along with dancing. Although everyday he came to the studio, Soonyoung would be there, of course he was, but he'd always go out of his way to wave at Seokmin and even say hi to him. 

It was weird. Ever since the party Soonyoung had been nice to him, usually as somebody so happy, Seokmin would always welcome kind gestures, but he couldn't help but to think that the older dancer wanted something or was up to no good.

The kiss stayed in the back of his mind, not very prominent but also not forgotten. However, the thought was very insistent on making itself known every so often, the way Soonyoung's lips felt on his own. 

Although right now, he couldn't dwell on Soonyoung, not when time was starting to close in and the showcase was getting closer. 

"Seokmin," Mingyu called, walking in front of him and signaling for Wonwoo to stop the music. 

The aforementioned hummed. 

"You can take a break, don't over work yourself. Go get some water," He advised, patting the older man on the back. Seokmin nodded, smiling at the two dancers and heading for the door. Once he opened it, he let out an audible sigh when he saw that Soonyoung was behind it, seemingly on his way in. 

The dancer grinned once he caught sight of the singer, following him towards the water fountain. Seokmin rolled his eyes and shook his head, lips tugging at a small smile. 

"What is it?" He asked, turning around. Soonyoung's eyes were bloodshot red and it was completely obvious that he wasn't completely sober. Maybe that's why he was following Seokmin around, because he wasn't in the right state of mind.

"Those pants look good on you," He said, a sleazy smirk on his face. 

"Why are you high?" 

"Why are you not?" Soonyoung retaliated, holding out vowel in not. He was swaying from side to side and smiling, he seemed like he was in a pretty good mood. Why was he even at the studio if they had no practice today? 

"Will you come over tonight so I can hit that?" He asked once he realized Seokmin wasn't going to answer his question. The singer's cheeks turned red and he rolled his eyes, drinking his water from the fountain and making his way back to the studio.

Soonyoung kept making flirtatious remarks to him, which was honestly so weird and huge change from when they first met. Again, Seokmin didn't want to dwell on it, especially when he was told by multiple people that the other dancer was trouble. 

He got back to rehearsal, ignoring the questions about why his cheeks were so red. His mind was set on finishing up so he could go home and hang out with Jeonghan and Chan.

After another hour of going over everything and making sure it would come out perfect, Seokmin put his earbuds in and got ready to leave, picking up his dance bag and heading towards the door. He needed to go to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for dinner, as well as some other snacks too. He wanted to get Jeonghan comfort foods, because he still felt extremely bad for having to constantly leave when his best friend was in a state of heartbreak. 

The warm air of the night made him hum in contentment, he couldn't wait to take a shower and just relax. After a tiring day, the best thing to go home to would be his mother's cooking, but the second best thing would definitely be Jeonghan's cooking, who always took care of him. 

His hands were tucked in his pockets and his head was nodding along to the beat of the music, he was completely absorbed in the sound as well as the atmosphere. Even when he picked up a basket and walked around the isles to pick up what they needed, nothing could break him out of the tranquility he was trapped in. 

That was until he was reading the label to a can and somebody had bumped into him, cause him to hit the shelf in front of him, face first. He hissed in pain and turned around, he felt the sting of a cut on his cheek and when he brought his finger up to touch it, surely enough there was blood. 

His anger multiplied by a hundred when he noticed who the culprits were. 

"Shit, Seokmin I'm sorry I didn't see you there," Seungcheol said, still laughing. Joshua, who looked like he was the one who caused the whole thing by pushing Seungcheol, was also laughing, looking way too bright for someone who was supposed to be upset. 

Seokmin scoffed and rolled his eyes, "You guys look completely content with the outcome of your relationship." 

Seungcheol's smile was wiped off his face and his eyes narrowed, "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It means that while Jeonghan is at my dorm crying his eyes out every night, you're here having fun with Joshua. And you," Seokmin turned towards Joshua, a hand on his hip, "You promised you'd call and visit him and yet you haven't. Clearly you don't give a shit about him and probably never did." 

Joshua's face turned red and he bit his lip, placing his hands over his eyes and sighing. 

"I care about him, Min. Of course I do. I love him," He said, sincerity clear in his voice. While Seokmin believed him, it didn't justify him basically ignoring Jeonghan, who was technically still is Joshua's boyfriend. 

Seungcheol on the other hand looked absolutely furious. 

"Did he tell you to say this to us? Huh? Is that what this is? He's too scared to just face hs goddamn problems!" He said, slamming his hand down on one of the shelves and gaining looks from other customers. 

"Don't yell at me like that and don't fucking talk about him like that! Go on your trip with Joshua and have fun without him, you fucking asshole," Seokmin said, shoving past Seungcheol and storming towards the exit. He was really pissed off, because who did Seungcheol think he was?

He walked all the way home, furiously. Seokmin wanted to hit something or someone, he was filled with so much rage because seriously, how can Seungcheol claim he loves Jeonghan and not even care about whether they're broken up or not. 

It seriously made him angry, angrier than he has been in a long time. When he got back to the dorms he stomped up the stairs and quickly opened the door and threw his dance bag on to the couch, sinking into it and closing his eyes. 

"Hey, where are the groceries?" Jeonghan asked, sitting down next to Seokmin and wrapping an arm around him. 

"I didn't get them." 

"Why not?" Chan questioned, sitting down on the armchair

"I ran into Seungcheol and Joshua at the grocery store," He said, looking at Jeonghan to dissect his reaction. "They looked perfectly happy without you so I gave them a piece of my mind. How can they treat you like that? You deserve so much better!" Seokmin exclaimed, sighing when he noticed that his best friend's eyes were wet with tears. 

"You can't force them to feel things for me, Seokmin. Don't get involved next time," Jeonghan said, standing up from the couch and heading towards the bedroom. 

"I did it for you," Seokmin responded. 

"Don't you see? It's over between us! Nothing you say will change that," Jeonghan yelled, slamming the bedroom door behind himself. Seokmin huffed in annoyance. Why wasn't Jeonghan grateful? He didn't want to be upset with him, not when he was already going through so much but he felt like Jeonghan was being a bit unfair. 

Didn't he want his relationship to be fixed?

"You should go talk to him, I'll call for takeout," Chan said, grabbing his phone and going towards the kitchen. Seokmin knew he was right, so that's what he did. With careful movements he slowly opened the door and found Jeonghan, face down on the bed and sobbing.

His heart broke and he felt really bad for causing this. He took a seat on the end of the bed, a frown settled upon his face. 

"Han..." He softly said.

"I'm sorry, Seokmin. It's not your fault that all of this is happening but my heart aches and I miss him so much. It sounds like he doesn't even care about me," Jeonghan sobbed. 

"Don't apologize it's okay. And they do care, I was just clouded by anger. Joshua said he still loves you," Seokmin gently said.

He couldn't imagine this ever happening to the two, and while he still was pissed off at Seungcheol, he really hoped that they would come to their senses and realize how perfect they were for one another. 

Seokmin wanted to best for Jeonghan and Seungcheol and Joshua are the best. They always took good care of him and despite their fights, they had never broken up like this before. Jeonghan had never been away from Seungcheol for this long since they met, but now he's been staying at Seokmin's dorm for almost two full weeks, it was concerning and heart wrenching. 

As he moved himself to lay down next to Jeonghan on the bed he felt the older man wrap his arm around his waist and pull himself against Seokmin's chest, snuggling up to the singer. He let out a sigh of contentment and closed his eyes, quietly thanking Seokmin for always being there. 

———

A week later and they were back to normal, everything was back to normal. Except for Soonyoung, who was still acting weird. Weird as in nice, really nice. 

Although that wasn't on Seokmin's mind, to be honest. He was feeling quite happy as the weather outside was beginning to get even warmer and April was starting to blossom into May. He loved the smell of fresh flowers on a nice day and he really loved taking walks with his best friend. 

He and Jeonghan were walking towards Seungkwan and Hansol's apartment. Seokmin was invited to go hang out there and Jeonghan offered to walk him, claiming he had something he wanted to tell Seokmin. So as they were walking he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and smiled. 

"Seungcheol apologized to me! Jisoo did too and I think everything has been cleared up," He said, a bright twinkle in his eyes to go along with the blinding smile on his face. 

"That's great hyung! I'm really happy for you," Seokmin replied, squeezing Jeonghan's hand. 

"And as for the trip, Jisoo is going to fly out by himself and when my summer prougram is over Seungcheol and I will go to L.A.!" 

He was really happy for Jeonghan and to show it, he pulled the older man into a hug and squeezed him tight, "I'm so glad that you guys were able to figure everything out!" 

As they continued to walk they talked about nothing and everything, completely content with their lives. When they got to the apartment and decided it was time to part ways, Jeonghan told him to be safe and not to smoke too much while Seokmin reminded Jeonghan to text him when he got home. They gave each other a final hug before Seokmin was buzzed in by Hansol. 

He went up the elevator and hummed to himself, a little excited to finally smoke something and just let go. He got to their door and knocked on it. It was opened by an over enthusiastic Seungkwan with Hansol at his side as always. 

There was serene music playing softly in the background and the air was clouded with smoke, the smell penetrating his nose. As he walked in he noticed that there was someone on the couch, Soonyoung. He was sitting there, bong in hand and legs spread, he looked insanely hot. His black strands of hair were ghosting over his eyes and his intense gaze watched as Seokmin took a seat on the couch next to him. 

"Feel free to use anything here and get to know each other or something," Hansol said, pulling Seungkwan along with him towards their bedroom. 

"Where are you guys going?" Seokmin innocently asked. 

Hansol smirked and whispered something suggestive in Seungkwan's ear. Without answering Seokmin's question the two stumbled into their bedroom and closed the door. 

"They're gonna fuck," Soonyoung said. He put the bong down and moved closer to Seokmin, wrapping an arm around the younger man, "I've been waiting to get you alone," He said, chuckling once he realized that Seokmin's face went red. 

"Why would you want that?" 

Soonyoung brought his hand down to Seokmin's neck, bringing the boy closer to him and there lips were almost touches. Seokmin wasn't opposed to this at all, he felt hot and he wanted Soonyoung to do something—anything to him. 

"I've been thinking about the kiss we shared." Seokmin's breathing was getting heavier with every step Soonyoung took that made them get closer. He felt like the air was heavy and it was becoming harder and harder to breathe. 

"Would you be interested in doing it  
again?" Soonyoung finally finished, bringing his thumb up to Seokmin's lip and dragging it down. Wordlessly the singer nodded, taking Soonyoung's face in his hands and connecting their lips together. 

Immediately the dancer's tongue was prodding at his lips, causing him to open up for Soonyoung. The kiss felt nothing like the first time. This time they weren't just doing it to share the bong, they were actually kissing just to kiss. 

It made Seokmin dizzy. 

Soonyoung pushed him back on the couch and got on top of him, grinding their hips together. His tongue was exploring Seokmin's mouth and to be honest, he wasn't sure how to react. Sure everything Soonyoung was doing was hot, but his hands were getting lower and lower, moving towards the button of his pants. 

"Stop," He mumbled, trying to push the dancer off of him. The older man didn't respond, instead deepened the kiss. Seokmin's breathing was getting even heavier than before. Except he wasn't excited anymore. 

Memories began to flash back into his mind and he felt his eyes begin to water. He tried pushing Soonyoung off, but he wasn't complying. He didn't want this. 

"Soonyoung stop!" He called out again, this time successfully getting his attention. Seokmin felt like he was suffocating with Soonyoung on top of him like this. 

"What is it?" Breathless, Soonyoung asked. 

"I don't—I can't" Seokmin couldn't get his words out, taking in deep breaths and trying to slow down his heart rate. 

"Hey, calm down, it's okay," The other man said, slowly climbing off of Seokmin who was now full on crying. 

He felt stupid for breaking down like this in front of Soonyoung, but he couldn't control it. Seokmin didn't want to feel trapped like that ever again and he certainly didn't want to relive what happened to him in high school. 

Thinking back on the memories made him want to scream and just finally let everybody know. It was like a heavy weight on his shoulders and even though he told Seungkwan about it, he was sure the other college student was too intoxicated to remember anything that happened that night. 

Soonyoung was a bad person. Soonyoung was going to do the same thing that had happened before. 

But Soonyoung stopped. When Seokmin said to stop he stopped. His breathing began to slow down at the realization that he was okay and that Soonyoung was nothing like him. 

"I'm sorry-" 

"Don't apologize for that. I went too far, I'm sorry," Soonyoung cut him off, looking into Seokmin's eyes with the most sincerity. 

"You're not mad?" 

He scoffed, "I get that I'm supposed to be a bad person or whatever it is people say, but I would never hurt you like that. The threatening thing was just me trying to scare you, I'd never hurt you," Soonyoung said, complete honesty in his voice. 

Before Seokmin had the chance to respond, a loud moan came from Seungkwan and Vernon's bedroom. He looked at Soonyoung who shook his head and stood up, grabbing the bong and nodding towards the door. 

"Come on, we can go to my place." 

Seokmin bit his lip and didn't get up, looking away from Soonyoung. 

He sighed, "I'm not going to do anything if that's what you're worried about. You can trust that I'm truly not like that," Soonyoung said, causing Seokmin to slowly nod and get up. 

What was the worst that could happen? Soonyoung already understood that Seokmin had some sort of boundaries, so clearly he wouldn't try to cross them, right? He trusted his gut that was telling him it was okay to go to Soonyoung's apartment. 

"You can't just carry that around," Seokmin said, talking about the bong currently clutched in the other's hand. 

He shrugged, "I was gonna bring it for you since I only have one, but we can share it if you'd like," Soonyoung said. Seokmin nodded, indicating that it was fine if they shared it and he watched as Soonyoung put it down and opened a drawer, grabbing a small baggie and putting it into his pocket. 

"Let's go."

They walked to Soonyoung's apartment in silence, the only sound being their footsteps along with anything they heard in the halls. They got into the elevator and the dancer pressed the top floor. Once the elevator opened and they got to his door, Seokmin realized that he lived in a penthouse. He honestly had forgotten that Soonyoung had so much money, although it really showed. 

The house was nicely decorated, it looked like something someone important would live in, not a college student. Soonyoung hummed as he took off his shoes by the door and walked into the living room, beckoning for Seokmin to do the same. 

The floors were hardwood but they were dark, the walls were white in contrast but had beautiful pieces of art work hung upon them. There were multiple diamond chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and the thing that caught Seokmin's eye the most were the ceiling to floor windows. As he excitedly walked closer to them, he noticed that they had a view of the city and he could even see his own dorm! 

When he spoke the last part out loud, he heard Soonyoung laugh from behind him and get closer. They looked out the windows together, the city was still busy and the sun was beginning to set. 

"We can smoke on the balcony if you'd like," Soonyoung said, grabbing his bong from a cupboard in the living room and nodding his head towards the balcony door. He followed the other out and took a deep breath of fresh air, smiling to himself. 

"You have a lovely smile," Soonyoung complimented, sitting down on the lawn chair and leaning back. 

Seokmin blushed and quietly thanked him, sitting in the chair next to him and looking up at the sky. It was beautiful, Soonyoung must feel really lucky to get to live here and see this everyday. They sat in silence as the dancer fumbled with the smoking supplies, trying to get everything together. Honestly, Seokmin didn't even feel like smoking, he just wanted to get lost in his thoughts and maybe learn more about the other man. 

"I'm really sorry, but I don't really feel like doing that anymore," He quietly said, a little nervous that Soonyoung would be upset with him. 

Instead, he was surprised when he heard the older let out a sigh relief, "Thank fuck. I didn't want to go inside and get a lighter since I was already comfortable," He said, putting everything down and leaning back in his chair. He closed his eyes and they both let complete quietness surround them, save for the sounds of nature and the traffic below. It was very relaxing and Seokmin wanted this to become apart of his daily routine. 

"You know," Soonyoung broke the silence first, looking over at him, "I'm really sorry for that shit I said when we first met. There's honestly nothing wrong with being a twink, I guess. It feels weird to say that and think that I used it as a derogatory term towards you. You don't deserve that so I'm sorry." 

Seokmin's heart was beating out of his chest. He wasn't expecting this from Soonyoung, and warmth blossomed within him at the thought of the other man trying to get close to him. 

"It's okay, I just don't understand why that was something you thought would be okay to call me," He replied, running a hand through his hair. 

Soonyoung suddenly turned extremely bashful and looked towards the ground, picking at his nail and avoiding all eye contact, "If I told you, you'd get up and leave. Frankly I don't want that since you're the first person I've actually had a real conversation with in a very long time," He suddenly confessed. 

"You can tell me. I believe everyone deserves second chances, otherwise I wouldn't be here with you," Seokmin replied, a small smile tugging on his lips when he noticed that Soonyoung was smiling. 

Although the smile turned into a frown in the blink of an eye. 

"Thank you, but this is really serious and fucked up shit, you're going to hate me. I'm honestly surprised that Jeonghan didn't tell you." 

Seokmin was getting a little worried, because clearly whatever Soonyoung did wasn't something that he'd just be able to forget about. It was still weird though, that Soonyoung was willing to open up to him and be nice to him, a chance of character. Maybe if he knew what happened he could have somewhat of an understanding on why Soonyoung acts the way he does. 

So he encouraged the dancer to tell his story. He was curious and he wanted to know instead of being in the shadows, everyone seemed to know except for him. 

Soonyoung let out a sigh and nodded, "I had this boyfriend in high school. His name was Jihoon. He goes here, actually. Anyways, I was utterly in love with him. Like completely head over heals for him and he was in love with me, at least that’s what he said. We had been dating since freshman year and back then, well back then Jeonghan was my best friend,” He sadly said, furrowing his eyebrows and looking down at he ground. 

His eyes looked a little wet. 

“I fucked up really bad. To the point where somebody as forgiving as Jeonghan couldn’t look me in the eyes. I’m glad you have him now though, I don’t deserve somebody like that. That isn’t really apart of the story though. We were like the couple everyone looked up to, I guess. When we graduated he knew what he wanted to do with his life, but I had no idea. That summer Jeonghan and I fought pretty badly. I was upset that he was focusing more on Seungcheol than he was on me and it blew up and I don’t think we even really talked after that.” 

Seokmin was listening intently, extremely invested in the story. He had never seen Soonyoung be so vulnerable, it was intriguing yet interesting. 

“When we got to college Jihoon started to get really serious about composing music whilst I was still an immature dancer. He told me that he fell out of love with me, and I guess that didn’t sit right with me. I begged him to stay but he wouldn’t, he said he wanted somebody who knew what they wanted in life and was less of a mess than I was,” Soonyoung bitterly laughed after that part, shaking his head and looking up towards the ceiling. 

Seokmin noticed the fact that there were tears now flowing out from his eyes. 

“I threatened him and told him that if he didn’t stay with me, I’d post some really compromising pictures he took of himself and sent to me...” He trailed off at the end, looking at Seokmin and trying to dissect his thought process. 

Honestly, Seokmin was surprised but at the same time he wasn’t mad, he had nothing to be mad at and it seemed like Soonyoung was really beating himself up about this, which is completely valid since it was an extremely fucked uo thing to do. 

“He left anyways and I posted them like the piece of shit I am. Since then everyone has been avoiding me and calling me an asshole, so I’ve been playing into the role. You were honestly the first person who was being nice to me and didn’t know, but I didn’t like that. I wanted you to hate me like everyone else does,” He finished, leaning back in his chair with a loud huff. 

“I don’t hate you. While you did something that was really messed up, I wasn’t even there to witness it so why would I be mad? You seem like you’re really beating yourself up about it,” Seokmin said. 

“Yeah, I am. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for it, to be honest.” He shamefully admitted, standing up and stretching his legs, but he sat right back down again, this time facing Seokmin. 

“Thank you for listening, I appreciate it a lot. Don’t feel bad or anything if you decide that I’m as shitty as everyone says I am. And I’m sorry for threatening you at the studio.” 

Seokmin stood up, he was going to leave but he wanted Soonyoung to know something before he went. 

“It’s really okay, Soonyoung. Sometimes it’s better to forgive yourself rather than gaining forgiveness from the person you hurt. Here, give me your phone and let me put my number in it,” He offered, smiling as Soonyoung slowly gave him his device. 

After exchanging numbers, Soonyoung walked Seokmin out, but not before thanking him a million times over. 

“If you ever need anything just call,” Seokmin said. 

“Right back at you! Be safe on your walk to the dorms!” Soonyoung said, smiling as he closed the door. 

On the walk home Seokmin felt something fresh begin to blossom, maybe the start of a new friendship. 

———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i’m really sorry it took me two months to update this story. i want you guys to know that i will not be abandoning this and my plan is to finish it! i was just at a loss for ideas and i was super busy with school. thank you so much for being patient with me and i appreciate it so much! i hope you enjoyed the chapter! we got to learn more about soonyoung, what did you think of him? should seokmin be so generous and kind to him? let me know what you think!


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